Wednesday, February 26, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

dapat berita ibu deya meninggal pagi tadi... innalillah... went to her place tonite to see how's she doing, alhamdulillah lots of her friends (from her batch was there!) good work guys! she wanted to go back to Malaysia this Friday.. for me, it is a very bad idea as to how the situation is right now, and more Jijon (one bro.) went back in mid sem and couldn't come back here. He ended up studying in Malaysia. But, still the decision is on her hand, I could not say anything because I am not in her place for say. Hopefully she's doing better by day...

I am going to make jemput-jemput for Discover Malaysia. Dunno yet how much, but my guess is, it could reach hundreds as it is for guests. "may Allah make it easy for me.."

questions: why aren't there any VP or naib presiden in MISG's committee? my friend asked me just now...
answer: NO IDEA ... heh

need to get back to study... kullu am wa antum bikhair...

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

I'm in the computer lab, trying to study for exams next week! hopefully i'll get through at least some of the materials... for cs 354 ...

Monday, February 24, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

bro. abli send this out in the mailing list, nice and adorable person for me and maybe for some other people too...

Lapan belas tahun hidup bersama
Suka duka tangis dan tawa
Tujuh cahaya mata kita dikurnia
Penyeri hidup penyejuk jiwa

20 Feb. lapan puluh lima
Kita mula melayar bahtera
Mahligai bahgia kita bina
Atas restu Tuhan Maha Kuasa

Masih ingatkah tika abah berkata
Abah ini milik umat semua
Bukan milik ummi seorang saja
Hidup mati diikrar untukNya?

Masih ingatkah tika abah bertanya
Sanggupkah hidup dalam “penjara”
Suka duka kita hadapi bersama
Demi bahagia di Akhirat sana?

Ketika semangat sedang membara
Syed Qutub Hasan Banna jadi idola
Menyebar risalah ke seluruh dunia
Menerima perjuangan Nabi tercinta

Dari Lembah Nil keluar bertapa
Di UIA tapak bermula
Dalam masyarakat gelanggang terbuka
Ummi sanggup jadi teman setia

Tarbiyah Abim kita lalui bersama
Usrah tamrin pengukuh jiwa
Ke Canterbury ‘85’ ummi ikut juga
Pulang dengan ijazah dan si kembar dua

Dari Sg. Penchala ke Desa Jaya
Di surau Ihsan mencari ridha
Dalam masyarakat kita tambah dewasa
Menumpang kasih jiran tetangga

Ke Birmingham ‘91’ ummi tetap setia
Banyak pengalaman untuk dicerita
Empat tahun berlalu tidak terasa
Pulang bawa ijazah anak tambah juga

Ingatkah rumah ‘Kasim Selamat’ di Gombak sana
Begitulah hidup sebagai pengembara
Bila hujan lantai habis basah semua
Yang dalam tandas pun ‘terapung’ sama

Kereta kecil besar kita dah rasa
Khemah hotel tak hairan belaka
Kerana dakwah kita jejalajah semua
Kotaraya, kampung dan juga desa

Ingatkah ke Tawau kali pertama?
Nenek bertanya- ‘Aga kareba……’
Mulanya ummi terpinga pinga
Kini dah faham Bugis sepatah dua

Tiada lautan tanpa gelora
Rumahtangga kita pun begitu juga
Walaupun ribut datang melanda
Namun bahtera tetap terpelihara

Kini anak anak telah dewasa
Yang kembar teruna, adik adiknya dara
Ujian besar datang melanda
Abah ditahan di bawah ISA

Pun ummi tetap setia
Kerana tahu abah bukan penderhaka
Bukan juga penjahat durjana
Hanya sekadar pendakwah biasa

Dengarlah ummi tercinta
18 tahun engkau tetap bertahta
Kau ibu, isteri, kau kekasih setia
Kau tetap satu dalam berjuta.

assalamualeikum wbt

felt so bad sebab I made We replace Giant for dikir! huk huk huk... but he really can't sing! well, he's better actually than the other person whom I have no idea what his name is! whatever la... Halim Yazid and Dikir Temasek - the best dikir song ever! seriously!

next week exams coming! huhuhu.. I have 2 exams, one comes afther the other, Wednesday and Thursday... "may Allah make it easy for me" insyaAllah...

what did u do yesterday? what did u do today? did u pleased Allah..? did u been kind to your sisters and brothers? did you acted any sins? It's pretty sad kan, bile org yg kita sayang kepala die tak sama dgn kepala kita -- u know, when he said A but I said a or sometime z. Whatever la... am going to skool in few minutes... will be on campus till like 4 pm.

Saturday, February 22, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

writing is fun! heh... a good intro for a free writer like me (am I?). I think I already explained in the beginning of my entry few months ago why I put my words here. Why not just write it in a diary, personally. I changed my layout and my 'way of writing' quiet few times because of me myself! I did the questionaires and participated in research about 'knowing ourselves' and who we are and i came to conclusion that for now, I don't have anything that is permanently attached to me except my Iman (I'm dare to say, as much as I did it). I could change my behaviors, my words and all but not my Iman. For Iman makes me standing here, Iman makes me a khairulbariah and Iman determine where I go soon...

Somehow, what I did do relates to my Iman. For example, if I changed from praying 5 times a day to only few times a week, that is actually a sign -- sign that says "turn back lady, you're going too far! Back there was the real road..." and it is up to me to go back and find the right path, OR keep going until I find NOTHING!

what makes you not to wear veil? what makes you not pray? because Allah swt said so? because your mom said so? or because you decide yourself? how do you define pleasure? how do you define fun? and how do you define happy? abstract opinion and thoughts...

I think I'm writing more today because I knew that more people are reading it. Come on khairulbariah, it's a very wrong intention! (mind me, I'm debating with myself!) yeah... but at least I did something, and I shared something with others. BUT you intitially wanted to make people impressed of you! I know myself, nobody would ever be impressed.. nobody would ever said God is Great when I told them I had an A for my cs class, instead they just said, "waaaaaaaaa kib terer.." it's not from me... it's from Allah. Stop writing or I will write nonsense here.

anyway, adab2 menjadi tetamu -- selepas ketuk pintu, pusing kebelakang or pergi jauh sedikit dari pintu :: supaya kita tidaklah nampak yang tak sepatutnya (pleaseeeee... next time practice this!) thank you.
assalamualeikum wbt

Saturday morning and I would like to say a little bit about malu - (not so sure the correct term in English) -- the state of being humble or shy (not quiet right! help somebody?)

malu? to whom? why? when? kesannya?

malu pada Allah swt? hanya pada org-org tertentu? pada kahalayak ramai? to yourself? or person beside you?
malu when you failed? when you couldn't achieve what you want? when everybody is ahead of you?
malu because you're ugly? you're stupid? you're not like others?
bila malu, are you satisfied? did u make others satisfied? did you overcame your malu after that?

all the above do apply to me at one point, I was alive for the sake of other people; well doesn't that purpose of life? in fact, we live among us.. we survived among us... we were a winner! hohohoho... don't forget :

"Segala puji tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang Memelihara dan Mentadbirkan sekalian alam." Al - Fatihah:2 and
"Engkaulah sahaja (Ya Allah) Yang Kami sembah dan kepada Engkaulah sahaja kami memohon pertolongan." Al - Fatihah:5

The only reason for us to be on the surface of the earth is to be the humble servant of Allah, to serve Allah and to please Allah swt. But how? with WAR? or PEACE? if the above was the only reason, why would Allah create other living things along with it? trees, water, ants, horse and etc? Allah Maha Besar, Maha Bijaksana, Pencipta Segalanya... Allah knows everything, and for what is existed, there must be a reason for it. How to please Allah? make the world a better place to live and DON't ever forget to do what Allah commands - Rukun Islam, Rukun Iman, bukan rukun negara yeh... that's just one of human creation that could be changed... yeah, CHANGE!

getting back to malu -- why would you feel malu to other people? who judged whom? who has the MOST right? we? them? how do we know all of the above?

"Dan juga orang-orang yang beriman kepada Kitab "Al-Quran" yang diturunkan kepadamu (Wahai Muhammad) dan Kitab-kitab yang diturunkan dahulu daripadamu, serta mereka yakin akan (adanya) hari akhirat (dengan sepenuhnya)." Al - Baqarah:4 but then

"Dan di antara manusia ada yang berkata: Kami telah beriman kepada Allah dan kepada hari akhirat; padahal mereka sebenarnya tidak beriman." Al - Baqarah:8

salah siapa? macam in our jihad (please refer to a clever Muslim before deciding the meaning) dalam menuntut ilmu la, the books, the knowledge is there; it just YOU who decide -- to succeed or not to succeed. Why people chose the other side? Al:Baqarah(8)

oh oh... I cook Tauhu Sumbat and Chicken curry today! let's eat! alhamdulillah...

assalamualeikum wbt

I haven't been sleeping for 36 hours! whyyyyyyyy????
tried everything (except milk), "ya Allah mudahkanlah urusanku...."

Kak Sue's invited the girls to her house at afternoon. She's going back next week. No more babysitting Shafiq and Ashraf ...

received "emergency preparation" email from MARA (sponsor): war is most likely to happen! astaghfirullah.... make the world peace people...

Friday, February 21, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

just finished doing hw2 of cs class. prof. at South Florida Univ. (SFU) was caught yesterday accused of having connection with Al Qaeda network... people people. NAM in Malaysia is about to start; Yaseer Arafat wanted to join... what do u guys think!?

a kid was stuck in washing machine in his house -- poor him

Rebutlah Pangkat Isteri Solehah

Allah swt Maha Pemurah dan Penyayang ke atas hamba-hambanya. Bagi kaum wanita ada 4 tiket untuk mereka masuk ke syurga, iaitu apabila mereka berjaya menjaga sembahyang fardhu, puasanya di bulan Ramadhan, ketaaatan kepada suami dan kehormatannya. Melalui empat perkara ini juga menyebabkan seseorang wanita itu boleh mencapai taraf solehah dan bertaqwa.

Begitu Penyayangnya Allah kepada insan yang bergelar wanita. Tetapi cuba kita renungkan kembali sejauh manakah kita telah berjaya meraih keempat-empat perkara ini dengan sebaik-baiknya. Sembahyang fardhu kebanyakannya tidak khusyuk. Semasa bersembahyang sahaja aurat ditutup tetapi selepas itu kita kembali dengan pakaian yang mendedahkan aurat. Puasa kita sekadar menahan lapar dan dahaga tetapi mulut masih mengumpat. Ketaatan kepada suami dibuat sambil lewa malah suami kadangkala dijadikan seperti lembu yang diikat hidungnya dengan tali (disuruh membuat itu dan ini). Ada yang menjadi pelacur dan menjual maruahnya untuk mendapatkan wang.

Sepatutnya kita kena banyak menangisi diri yang gagal menunaikan amanah Allah itu. Rasulullah selepas di Isyrak Mikrajkan, baginda tidak henti-henti menangis kerana terlalu amat sedih dan sentiasa berdoa kepada Allah swt supaya kaum wanita dan umat-umat yang disayanginya diselamatkan dari azab api neraka. Bayangkanlah, baginda saksikan bahawa di dalam neraka itu 75% adalah terdiri dari kaum Hawa. Badan-badan kita akan disambar oleh api neraka dan terbakar rentung dan akan diperbaharui lagi daging-daging tubuh lalu dibakar lagi hingga mengikut sebanyak mana dosa yang telah kita lakukan itu. Beruntunglah bagi mereka-mereka yang beramal soleh. Wanita-wanita yang solehah akan disambut oleh 'wildan-wildan'nya (suami) diiringi dan serta diperelokkan kedudukannya di dalam syurga.

Bila diceritakan mengenai peribadi wanita bertaqwa dan solehah pastilah mereka-mereka ini mendapat pendidikan agama yang secukupnya. Bila ilmu telah dipelajari lantas terus diamalkannya. Maka jadilah mereka insan-insan yang terdidik untuk mentaati segala perintah Allah dan menjauhkan segala larangannya. Orang-orang yang banyak menangis kerana takutkan neraka Allah. Orang-orang yang sanggup berkorban apa saja demi kepentingan hari akhirat. Orang-orang yang sanggup hidup susah dengan berbagai ujian dan rintangan; tidak putus asa serta selalu ingat mati demi rindunya mereka untuk melihat wajah Allah swt dan Rasulullah.

Rebutlah pangkat wanita solehah yang bertaqwa kerana ianya tidak dapat dijual beli dengan dunia ini. Malahan tarafnya jauh lebih tinggi jika dibandingkan dengan apa jua pangkat nilaian di dunia ini. Semua kemegahan-kemegahan dunia ini tidak kekal lama dan biasanya kalau seseorang itu telah pencen ia akan kesepian dan dilupakan.

Seorang isteri yang solehah, dia akan melayani suaminya begitu baik sekali sebab itu merupakan tuntutan yang telah diwajibkan ke atasnya untuk dilaksanakan setelah diikat dengan ikatan ijab dan kabul. Inilah perbezaannya taraf seorang isteri dengan seorang pelacur di mana dia juga memberikan layanan yang baik kepada pelanggannya. Tetapi layanannya itu atas dasar untuk mendapatkan wang. Manakala seorang isteri yang solehah setiap perkara yang dilakukan semata-mata untuk mentaati Allah, demi untuk mendapat keredhaan-Nya.

Bila suami berhajat, hendaklah segera mendapatkannya dan tinggalkan kerja-kerja yang sedang dilakukan. Hiasilah diri dengan pakaian yang menarik, bersolek dan memakai bau-bauan. Jangan bimbangkan anak-anak yang menangis ketika itu kerana para malaikat sentiasa menjaga mereka sehingga kita selesai menunaikan amanah Allah terhadap suami kita dan mereka mendoakan semoga kita dikurniakan zuriat yang soleh dan solehah. Generasi yang bakal mengamankan dunia!

Ramai juga kaum wanita hari ini berjaya melayani suaminya dengan baik tapi bila saja suami sebut hendak kahwin seorang lagi dia mula tarik muka empat belas, hempas itu, hempas ini malah boleh jadi perang besar. inilah yang dinamakan cinta nafsu. Dia mahu dia seorang sahaja menguasai kasih sayang suami. Padanya bermadu itu suatu yang hina dan tidak mengapa kalau si suami memiliki perempuan simpanan walau sebanyak manapun. --> further discussion needed here!

Seorang isteri yang bertaqwa, dia tidak peduli samada hidupnya terpaksa bermadu dua, tiga atau empat sekalipun sebab itu bukan urusannya malah sebuah ketentuan dari Tuhan untuk menguji sejauh mana keikhlasannya melayani suami. Dia tidak akan ambil kisah sekiranya suaminya mengecilkan hatinya malah di hati kecilnya akan sering berkata, "Ini tugas aku dengan Allah, aku mesti laksanakan". Akhirnya tidak timbul perkelahian bila bermadu bila setiap isteri telah faham dengan kedudukannya.

Hanya isteri solehah saja yang gembira bila dimadukan sebab suaminya telah menyelamatkan seorang lagi hamba Allah bila dikahwinkan. Bila seseorang itu telah berkahwin, InsyaAllah sembahyangnya akan lebih khusyuk kerana sebahagian dari agamanya telah diselamatkan. Di samping itu berkahwin juga boleh melembutkan hati dan menenangkan fikiran.

Untuk mencapai makam isteri yang solehah dan bertaqwa bukanlah semudah yang diucapkan. Kita mesti berusaha untuk mengikis sebanyak mungkin mazmumah yang terdapat dalam diri dan selalu berharap kepada Allah supaya dimasukkan sifat-sifat mahmudah dan dibantu ketika sedang bermujahadah di dalam menghadapi berbagai ujian.

Pecahkan hati dengan banyak menangis, bukan menangis kerana sayangkan harta dunia, takut dimadu dan sebagainya tetapi menangislah kerana takutkan azab Allah yang sangat pedih dan selalulah berindu-rindu untuk melihat wajah Allah. Sesiapa yang merindui Allah, Allah juga akan merinduinya dan Rasullah akan memberi syafaat kepada sesiapa yang merinduinya dan mereka akan bersama-samanya di dalam syurga kelak.

Banyakkan berselawat kepada baginda. Hanya baginda saja yang diberi keistimewaan untuk mengenali umat-umatnya sedangkan nabi-nabi lain gagal berbuat demikian. Berkat umat-umatnya yang bersungguh-sungguh menjaga tujuh anggota lahirnya (mata, telinga, perut, kemaluan, mulut, kaki dan tangan) dari berbuat maksiat dan mengamalkan sungguh-sungguh lima hukum (wajib, sunat, makruh, halal dan haram) yang telah Allah tetapkan. Hanya mereka-mereka ini sajalah yang akan bercahaya-cahaya di Padang Mahsyar kelak dan dipimpin oleh Rasulullah untuk menuju ke syurga.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

Now I know the simplicity to success; JUST STICK TO SCHEDULE & BE A STUDENT & STUDYYYYYY... seriously, it works! try once, then u'll see...

I woke up little bit late today, luckily Mazu woke me up for school... astaghfirullah... (some people might thought that I had missed my fajar prayer) hahahaha... I woke up at 6:30 and slept again, that's why!!!!! daaaa...

in Library Mall, there's a tent and few camps been built -- some people slept and 'live' there, put posters and everything as saying "I'm trying to feel what the refugee felt" ... good things to do, but ... no comment! "Keep up the good thing" .... :-)

my comp sci class materials are getting harder by seconds... need to put more effort for them. "May Allah make it easy for me..."

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

still at my workplace, just finished doing level quality to few images. I kept thinking plans. Plans that I hope I could do. What are the plans? Well, if Allah says that I will live here after graduating, I planned to open a business somewhere around here. Maybe in Madison, or other palces where it is 'easy' to live. The good thing about living here is that you could raise your children well. Not that I'm saying raising children in Malaysia is impossible, but I just thought that the environment and the daily value here are much more considerate. Maybe it was because of early exposure to Sex Education and stuff, but I just like it here. (If were given chance)

Malaysia is a very nice place to live when you're older... It's peace, calm and nice people makes you feel more valued and respected. What about here? Hmm... I'm afraid that my child will take the value that the people here have; living their parents to live on their own! I want to be with my children when I am old. I want them to love me as I loved them when they were young.

hahahaha... kang kene gatal lagi, but then that was my DREAM...
Sham Tawal masuk kawanaku.com, still cannot forget his words to me, "Tepi, tepi, beruang nak lalu", Whatever!

there'll be dikir practice tonite, haven't decide to go or not to go yet. I didn't really involved in Discover Malaysia but I really really wanted to help them. Missed my family so much! How's Lorie? I'm such a bad person, I didn't contact her for long. She must've been curious... missed u Lorie!

oh well, need to get back to study! (at my workplace still) LOL... luv u bebeh! (whoever that was!) LOL...

Monday, February 17, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

almost gave up on my programming assignment, alhamdulillah Allah give me guidance and patience, MAHA SUCI ALLAH... I finished my P1 minutes after 1 am. "berusahalah..."

dikir barat will be performed during our Discover Malaysia this February 28 at Memorial Union. I bet it is be fabulous! please come if you are capable to...

weekdays starting, need to get serious again. I created some template for HELWA's site, but not really satisfied with it. InsyaAllah will try to create a better one soon. "May Allah make it easy for me.." ameen

got this song, Zahra' from bro. Far East (that's how he wrote it) ... thanks, send more! LOL
part of the lyrics;

wafatnya rasulullah
pilu menyelubungi
tabah menerimanya
hingga engkau kembali


one from two song for DIKIR BARAT

Kapilla (Madali / Madali)

Chek Awe Donde

( 1 )
Awe oh Awe
Nok kemano tu awe hey
Comenyo bawok gewe
Kalo mu doh berkene oh awe
Baiklah memine
Jange buat sene oh awe
Anok daro ore

Adat nok mudo berkasih saye
Meme biaso demo bergewe
eh..eh..eh..eh...( 3X )
( Donde donde, donde donde Chek awe donde )
Sari tok jumpo hati tok sene
Gelisoh raso gak awe
Tok leh nok baye
( ulang 1 )

Napo sukonyo bawok gewe
Maso bercinto semuonyo come
eh..eh..eh..eh...( 3X )
( Donde donde, donde donde Chek awe donde )
Cacat celo tok nampok pande
Semuo doh keno oh awe
Dek hati doh kene
(ulang 1)

Dengarlah dulu abe awe nok pese
Jago hatimu berperasae
eh..eh..eh..eh...( 3X )
( Donde donde, donde donde Chek awe donde )
Ikutke nafsu berkucai lembe
Hok tok tentu kalu oh awe
Hancurlah harape
( ulang 1 )


to those who are apart from your family, especially your parents, CALL THEM!!!!!

Saturday, February 15, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

today:
woke up and cook and did the geo online quiz, started the programming assignment, get bored, watched tv, went to McDonalds with Mazu and Ijan (yeah... we walked), went back home, watched tv, felt hungry, ordered pizza pit (pineapple and veggie), watched tv (again!) and surfed.

Total amount spend: NO IDEA - astaghfirullah...

got email from Mohd Farhan (paan), pet bro from school back then (MRSM PDRM), which was so suprising as I haven't heard from him for like years... yeah yearssss.... praise to Allah... boarding school allowed students to use handphones? don't they know how dangerous that is? even without the handphone...

help help... how to do p1?

we (me and my housemates) really really need to do grocery... there's nothing in the kitchen and in the freezer, not even cheese... hmm... hopefully kak sue's car will help soon... hopefully people will be alerted with our msn status : wah wah dapur dah kering and wah wah dapur tak berasap
LOL...

seriously I'm not acting normal tonite and will not be for another day or two. So, please bear with me... "don't made my blood go upstairs" LOL ...

I know what my problem is:
I talk too much!!! YES I'm a talkative person... which is not so acceptable for some people... and I do understand that... I really do...

I shouldn't be here... I should be with my family... in Malaysia, not here... not in place where people can't tolerate with me, not in place where I have to be perfect to everybody... NO! NOT HERE! I want to be with my family... I want my family... I'm a bad person, I don't belong here...

I belong to Allah... "please forgive my sins ya Allah..."

Friday, February 14, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

alhamdulillah... so so happy to hear from my beloved sister, Kak Lisa

subject: i'm hereeeeeeeeeeeeee

Assalamualaikum....
alamak kibbbbbbbbbb.....kak lisa ada la kat sini
tapi dah lama sgt tak check e-mail....arinie akak
cuti...tue pun busy gak....maklumla anak sepuluh...tak
sempat....kui kui kui....
anyway how are you?life kat sana camner...hope
everything is well...study camner lak....kenala belajo
rajin2...kalau tensen gie shopping jap...pastue
sambung study balik....:)
akak kat sini alhamdulillah...life pun happy
almaklumla...dah berdua....(nie berdua ngan zahir tau
bukan ngan baby...)hehehehheheh....nantila...honeymoon
sethn dulu baru kot pikir pasal baby...kang dpt anak
skang pun life tunggang langgang lagik....kesia nanti
anak kitorang tak terurus kang....
kib tak balik cuti ke aritue....?bila kiib habes
ek...?nanti kiter bule lepak sama2 balik....kib kena
belanja kak lisa makan....apa makan nando's ke chiken
hut tue...kan kan kib janji aritue.....
org lain apa ceta...?lynn aritue dah
bertunang....tak lama lagi kawin la tue...lea dah
jadik cikgue...sue plak kat RHB bank...kib contact ke
deyrang.....?
kak lisa pun jarang gak contact deyrang...tak sempat
la...balik keja dah penat....pastue weekend ke umah
mak mentua...nak lepak2 pun tak sempat sgt....camner
nak jaga anak nanti....?ish ish ish mencabar sungguh
skang nie....nak kena jaga buah hati lagi....penat pun
kena la pretend tak penat sgt...kalu tak abees la....
nie US nak perang nie kat sana camner?tensen tul la
deyrang nie/..suka sgt perang tak sudah2....org lain
gak yg susah nanti kang...
kay la kib take care of yourself kay....however
hard your life is...iingatkat Allah and insyaAllah
everything will be ok....nanti tak tau la bila kak
lisa e-mail lagik.....until then.....study
smart...enjoy life....enjoy study....

love,
-k.lisa-


missed them so muchhhh: kak Lisa, kak Lea, kak Sue, cik Lynn
will have cs 354 exam in couple of hours -- "moga dipermudahkan"

Thursday, February 13, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

masyaAllah... I couldn't help myself from copying the two stories below... got it from my MISG mailing list. Wonderful and thoughtful story which I will try to remember the rest of my life, insyaAllah....

The first wonderful story might related to Sufism (the way he insipired and remembered God and also the book he read)

A young lad, sitting behind his desk is trying to convince himself studying the political science book. His eyes are fixed to the book but his mind and heart aren’t. They are wandering around, walking in the desert of uncertainty searching for something that they don’t comprehend. They lost in the heat of the desert, chasing the mirage. Lying on his desk, near a wide open window overlooking white snow field with leafless trees, are the books of Rumi and Qutb, two major works he spends most of his time with. Outside, the wind is still ravaging the academia, in jealousy of the stern spirit that he has for his thoughts. The phone rings but he prefers to ignore it. “Leave us alone!” shouts his heart. The phone stops ringing. Silence is creeping back into the room filling the emptiness left by his uncertainty. He needs the silence, a comfortable and soothing silence while the eyes show disgust, throwing a disdain glance at the phone. Uninterrupted, his mind travels back in time to a moment, almost three years ago, when he begun to think about his obsession, pursue in the academia and his future.

Sigh. “How do I make sense out of this?” He stretches his lean body, taking a deep breath. He walks around his room while his eyes are hunting for something. “Ah, there it is”. Reaches his hand, the notes he wrote about books he has read in a couple of years. His fingers are flipping through a red, well-thumbed university-ruled book, the one he has been using for quite some time jotting down his ideas and thoughts.

His eyes catch a piece of paper, scribbled by a ball point, “Prayer and praise were given to you, but that prayer made your heart proud. You thought yourself so intimate to God but many became separated from God this way.” His heart trembles as if a sword of fire stabs it hundreds of time. The words pierce right through the heart like a sharp poisonous arrow, paralyzing his body. His eyes are watery, drops of tears, bit by bit, forming a small pond of sorrow. The lids aren’t strong enough to hold the might of sorrowful tears, thus, rushing undeterred onto his lap. His head bows to the weight of his tears. He has no strength left in him to stop them. Heart yells in rhythm with its own beats, La-ilaha illallah… La-ilaha illallah… there is no god but God. The highest of all utterance known to human, weigh more than the heavens and the earth. Head just follows the rhythm turning left and right, striking fear and love to the heart to continue the remembrance. Lips and tongue are shouting and begging from the mind to have permission joining the remembrance. Mind, with all of his composition and calmness, grants the request from lips and tongue. Out of love and sorrow, tongue and lips dance along the rhythm of the powerful utterance, jumping and spinning in ecstasy.

The utterance, with its mystical therapeutic attribute, walks down from the heart to the rest of the body, cleansing illness in him, performing miracles like Jesus and Moses. The utterance cleanses everything in its path, wiping off the whisper of Satan and chaining the hideous Nafs to the fiery brimstone, leaving Nafs to its near death. The utterance polishes the heart like a jewel smith crafting a raw diamond to a shining one. The heart finds itself gleaming like a mirror, reflecting The Light of the Heavens and the Earth, a glimpse of Absolute Truth pouring from the Mercy of Lord of all Creations. The light shines the desert and in the distance, the mind and heart finally find an oasis in the middle of the desert, abandoning the mere mirage they’ve been chasing all along. They run to the oasis to replace the tears. To their surprise, this is no ordinary oasis. It is the oasis of wine they call it. Mind drinks it to heart’s content. Sorrow slowly walks away as heart’s door knocked by Joy. Joy brings good new from the Lord of Living and Loving. “You are going to be my friend. I am what my servant thinks I am. If he remembers Me, I will remember him. If he makes mention of Me to himself. I make mention of him to Myself. If he makes mention of me in a company, I make mention of him in a company better that it.”

Lips and tongue can’t stop dancing. Ecstasy pumps them the energy from the wine. Heart yells out loud, in a deafening shout. “Allahhhhhhhhh, Allahu… Allahu…” His shout is answered by a voice of distance. Allahu akbar, allaaaahu akhbar. It is the muezzin from a nearby mosque calling him to join the mass.

His heart, mind, lips and tongue are back from the oasis. They are back from the company of ecstasy. The lad left for a moment, coming back to his room with his face, hairs, hands and feet wet. He quickly put on his jacket, shoves his feet into a pair of worn out adidas sneakers and walks out in the angry winter storm from his place to answer the call to remembrance in company. May he come back safe from his journey.

“The fire that iron or gold need –
Would it be good for fresh quinces and apples?
The apple and quinces are just slightly raw;
Unlike iron, they need only a gentle heat.
But gentle flames are not enough for iron;
It eagerly draws to itself the fiery dragon’s breath
That iron is the dervish who bears hardship:
Under the hammer and fire, he happily glows red”
-rumi-

===========================================================

THE NEED TO LOVE SOMEONE, IS THAT WRONG?
author unknown

Love can mean many different things, it can be a wonderful experience, which touches our deepest emotions.. It is a quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing, and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses .Love is content with the present it hopes for the future, and it does not brood over the past. It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals. If you have loved in your life, it can make up for the many things that you are missing. That is the image of Love that I have in my mind . Does that sound so evil Is it wrong to wish to have a soul mate a confidant a friend a lover a spouse in one whom you share your inner most deepest thoughts? To see someone who truly impresses you in their character, personality and their honesty, and wish you can be with them forever? Is it wrong to love someone like that? Is it?

Yet when we find enough courage to publicly act on our love by either talking to our parents or the girl's parents, we suddenly get a bitter dose of reality that we were too naïve and idealistic in our intentions. However to the majority of people think of them as ridiculous and not valid in the real world. Have they forgotten that they themselves have been in the same situation not so long ago?

It is so very sad for me to see that we have to suffer unmarried life due to UN-Islamic social factors. We must blame our un-Islamic social customs and materialistic outlook that cause some men and women to remain unmarried. Many young people or their parents have very high expectations for their spouses. They make very difficult standards of education, profession, wealth or physical features .The result is that such people remain unmarried or others do not marry them because they do not meet those standards. We Muslims must emphasize that best criterion according to Islam is good character, and judge a person on him or her character alone rather than family, social standing etc.

The Prophet -peace be upon him- said, "If someone whose faith and morals you trust makes a proposal of marriage to you then marry him, otherwise there will be trials and much corruption in the land" . As Muslims it is also our duty to help our Muslim brothers and sisters to get married. Allah says in the Quran, "And help to get married those among you who are single or the virtuous ones of your slaves, males or females. If they are in poverty Allah will give them means out of His grace. For Allah encompasses all and knows all things." (Al-Noor 24:32)

oh well.... "LOVE IS BLIND" -- in my point of view all the rhymes and thoughts that our ancestors created were fully dedicated to God, but as we came and 'ruled', we altered it as to praising human being, which is not good sometime, kan?

need to be careful with LOVE, it hurts sometimes -- but not LOVE to ALLAH, it always bring peace and MORE LOVE ... ameen....

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

went to the doctor this evening. First, went to Women's Clinic, then they send me to the physician. Alhamdulillah I got my treatment, may Allah make it easy for me ameen....
The Snow Storm -- I couldn't even see 5 meters ahead! cars was stuck on the road for hours as the moved slow. Tons of people waiting for uncoming bus. It's all whiteeee... masyaAllah...

soc 160 exam this morning was quiet ok. I took less than an hour to finish the exam, and so did the others. I was hoping I could get an A for this class, insyaAllah... This Friday is my cs 354 exam and next Monday my programming assignment due. "moga dipermudahkan"...

tonite, sleep sleep sleep... walking in snow storm was like long distance-running... good excercise though! according to weather forecast the heavy snow will lasts till tomorrow evening! hopefully it won't get worst insyaAllah..

Discover Malaysia is coming soon!

Sunday, February 09, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

regarding my post earlier,
yep... I talked to several friends, and all of them suggested that I was having an anxiety attack! nauzubillah... what had happen? I couldn't deny that I was being over concern about the 'War On Iraq' thingy and also about my beloved sister too, and more about my 'future'...

my friend suggested me to take the anti-anxiety pills, well... am not fan of pills... ain't from here either, dunno what might contain inside it. Thanks anyway!

"Ya Allah please make it easy for me ya Allah.. forgive all my sins... my families' and make us peace here and thereafter... ameen"

went to Kak Sue's house this morning till late afternoon. She's packing for Malaysia (for good)! I wish I could the same too! went I was about to leave, when Ashraf and Shafiq cried, "don't go! don't go..." :-( will miss them so much!

Now, need to concentrate on my Soc 160 -- exam will be on Tuesday! "moga dipermudahkan..."

the symptoms occur -- will go to the doctor tomorrow... it might be that my body metabolism is not pretty happy with me.. can it be?
'Allahualam...

Saturday, February 08, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

symptoms:

-oftenly urinates
-cold hands and feet
-short breathing

what is happening? help help

Friday, February 07, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

few things to point out...
I felt kind of strange this few days, felt like people stared at me.... yesterday, while waiting for the 80 bus, there was a child staring at me in her car. I took a glance at her, and she's still looking at me, even her mom who is sitting beside her didn't say anything! what did I do? also in the bus... few ladies stared when I got in ... that happen everyday though!

with all the campaigns that took place around campus, "Not in our name!", "No War!" and etc. I don't feel that comfortable! why? aboslutely no idea! kinda have this feling the war is still coming no matter how much effort the people here tried to stop it! nauzubillah... mintak dijauhkan...

people at work; there was this one new girl, doing internship at my work place, from Pittsburgh; Pat asked me to show her how to do scanning, and she was like you want her to show me?... I'd rather learn myself! oh well... I was just trying to help whatever I could, insyaAllah...

why why why ... something wrong with me? PMS? NOOOO! not yet!

"Wahai sekalian manusia! Makanlah dari apa yang ada di bumi yang halal lagi baik dan janganlah kamu ikut jejak langkah Syaitan kerana sesungguhnya Syaitan itu ialah musuh yang terang nyata bagi kamu." Al-Baqarah:168

"Sesungguhnya (pembawa berita) yang demikian itu ialah syaitan yang (bertujuan) menakut-nakutkan (kamu terhadap) pengikut-pengikutnya (kaum kafir musyrik). Oleh itu janganlah kamu takut kepada mereka, tetapi takutlah kepadaKu (jangan cuaikan perintahKu), jika betul kamu orang-orang yang beriman." Al - Imran:175

"ya Allah tetapkanlah imanku, teguhkanlah pendirianku, ampunilah dosa-dosaku kedua ibu bapaku, peliharalah kami dari azab api neraka ya Allah... ameen.."

kak sue asked me to fry her 'ikan kering' and 'tauhu'... biaselah orang pregnant ni, alah pada macam-macam bende :-)
oh oh... watched video on child birth in class last Tuesday! something that I expected... some guys even closed their eyes, few of them even used the muffler.. scary huh!?
when my sister give birth later, I will be at her side (if I were in Malaysia during the period) ... I'll give her as much support that she needed... may Allah helps her and gives her courage to go through all those experiences at her age... ameen...

funny lyrics:

Dreaming of you

Lying in my bed
Thoughts in my head
Visions of you
But I can't get through the night

So pick up the phone
I know you're home
You're playing with my heart
And you know that it just aint right

So I got into the car
But I didn't get far
'Cause the radio played
Every song that I sang with you

You're the one I'm dreaming of
I can't live without your love
Tonight
And it's you that I adore
You're the one I live for


by Aldo Nova and Peter Barbeau

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

met Amir at the lab today! same old him! work for hours and then when to study at the lab -- online notes. Only now I know that I don't have to specify my job when punching out! ape la... simplest thing, but you don't give much attention! see... see... aiyaaaa... astaghfirullah....

one old guy asked me, "are you a Muslim?" I said "yes.." and he replied, "yeah yeah.. I know because you're wearing this this -- describing the veil" and then he just kept silent, hmm... anyway, thanks for asking! but I'm the one who bombed the twin city, swear! not me!

if you changed, change for real and istiqamah... not just like changing cloth, and the day after, you wear the same unwashed cloth! but, what you could do is to wash the cloth you had wore and then wear it again... smells good and looks new! isn't it? mmmm.... nice and smooth... like our personality! like ourself... need to be polished, brainwashed almost everyday I supposed... or else it will get dirty and later you'll choked with the dirty stuff... won't you?

I called Nor Liana, an old friend from MRSM, she's still the same person.. 'Allahualam... can't wait to see her this Summer break insyaAllah... may Allah listen to my prayer... ameen... I hope my effort in helping in handling our batch gathering won't fade... Really really wanted to see everybody! insyaAllah...

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

It's already 2:10 am in the morning but my eyes wouldn't let me sleep! why eys why????? huk huk huk... today the Kronos thingy starts. It's messy and I don't really like it plus I still have to write in my time in and time out in that record book! doesn't she have anything else to do? Menapous is dangerous!

it's snowing outside! masyaAllah... met Suree on campus today! she is graduating this Fall. I wanted to graduate too! wanna go back and make life there, insyaAllah.. or here maybe? 'Allahualam... My dream is to have someone be part of my family and change everything! for better... like HIJRAH -- "ya Allah ampunilah dosaku, kedua ibu bapaku, selamatkanlah mereka dunia dan akhirat... mudahkanlah urusan kami, terimalah amal ibadat kami, peliharalah kami dari azab neraka ya Allah... sesungguhnya kami hambaMu yang lemah ya Allah... ameen"

"Had We sent down this Qur'an on a mountain, you would surely have seen it humbling itself and rending asunder by the fear of Allah. Such are the parables which We put forward to mankind that they may reflect." [Qur'an, 59:21]

This includes suppressing one’s anger, and being gentle and humble. Allah Most High has said: Surely, you are of tremendous nature, [68:4] and: Those who suppress their anger, and forgive other people – assuredly, Allah loves those who do good. [3:134]

Bukhari and Muslim relate that `Abdallah ibn `Amr, radhiallahu `anhu, said, "The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, was never immoderate or obscene. He used to say, ‘Among those who are most beloved to me are those who have the finest character.’"

They also narrate that `Aa’isha, radhiallahu `anha, said, "Never was the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, given the choice between two things without choosing the easier of them, as long as it entailed no sin. If it did entail sin, he was of all people the most remote from it. Never did he seek revenge for something done against himself; but when the sanctity of Allah was challenged, he would take vengeance for His sake alone."

The meaning of good character is the inclination of the soul towards gentle and praiseworthy acts. This may take place in one’s personal actions for Allah Most High, or in actions which involve other people. In the former case, the slave of Allah has an open and welcoming heart for His commandments and prohibitions, and does what He has imposed on him happily and easily, and abstains from the things which He has forbidden him with full contentment, and without the least dissatisfaction. He likes to perform optional good acts, and abstains from many permitted things for the sake of Allah Most High whenever he decides that to abstain in that way would be closer to perfect slavehood to Him. This he does with a contented heart, and without feeling any resentment or hardship. When he deals with other people, he is tolerant when claiming what is his right, and does not ask for anything which is not; but he discharges all the duties which he has towards others. When he falls ill or returns from a trip, and no-one visits him, or when he givse a greeting which is not returned, or when he is a guest but is not honoured, or intercedes but is not responded to, or does a good turn for which he is not thanked, or joins a group of people who do not make room for him to sit, or speaks and is not listened to, or asks permission of a friend to enter, and is not granted it, or proposes to a woman, and is not allowed to marry her, or ask for more time to repay a debt, but is not given more time, or asks for it to be reduced, but is not permitted this, and all similar cases, he does not grow angry, or seek to punish people, or feel within himself that he has been snubbed, or ignored; neither does he try to retaliate with the same treatment when able to do so, but instead tells himself that he does not mind any of these things, and responds to each one of them with something which is better, and closer to goodness and piety, and is more praiseworthy and pleasing. He remembers to carry out his duties to others just as he remembers their duties towards himself, so that when one of his Muslim brethren falls ill he visits him, if he is asked to intercede, he does so, if he is asked for a respite in repaying a debt he agrees, and if someone needs assistance he gives it, and if someone asks for favourable terms in a sale, he consents, all without looking to see how the other person had dealt with him in the past, and to find out how other people behave. Instead, he makes "what is better" the imam of his soul, and obeys it completely.

Good character may be something which a man is born with, or it may be acquired. However, it may only be acquired from someone who has it more firmly rooted in his nature than his own. It is well known that a man of sensible opinion can become even more sensible by keeping the company of intelligent and sensible people, and that a learned or a righteous man can learn even more by sitting with other people orf learning or righteousness; therefore it cannot be denied that a man of beautiful character may acquire an even more beautiful character by being with people whose characters are superior to his own.

And Allah gives success!

Sunday, February 02, 2003

assalamualeikum wbt

just got back from usrah sisters in Blair -- masyaAllah... it was beneficial! can't wait till the next meeting! and shortly after usrah we had this girls talk! so so nice... and 'wild'.... just kidding! we talked about life, responsiblities and how to be 'good' girls! pretty nerd huh!? well, u've got to be there... sweet friends!

how has life affected you? how do you affect other people? what is your contribution to your religion? to your family? to your community? to your country? what have you done? did you please Allah? did you followed all of His commands and avoid His avoidances? How well did you know yourself? Have you ever take some time and revised who you are? what you want to do? how you want thing to be done? what makes you angry? what makes you happy? what makes you sad? do you really really know who you are? 'Allahualam...

I would like to share this article, from bro. Hakim:

Perubahan? Apakah erti perubahan? Siapa yang patut berubah? Mengapa pula perlu ada perubahan? Sejauh mana perubahan perlu ada dalam hidup ini?

Soalan-soalan yang cukup dirasakan relevan dalam konteks kita hari ini. Benarkah ia relevan? Ya, bagi saya ia adalah relevan dan anda juga semestinya. Pernahkah terlintas dalam minda kita ini bahawa wujud suatu kehidupan yang lebih baik daripada kehidupan yang kita ada ini ? Benarkah ada kehidupan yang lebih baik daripada apa yang kita alami sekarang ini? Bagaimana untuk memperolehnya?

Apa pula reaksi anda jika saya menyatakan bahawa untuk memperoleh kehidupan tersebut adalah mustahil sama sekali? Percayakah anda dengan kata-kata saya tadi? Jika percaya, mengapa anda begitu mudah membenarkan pendapat saya? Sejauh mana usaha anda untuk menolak pendapat saya tadi? Perlukah anda menyelidik kata-kata saya tadi?

Sedar tidak sedar, dengan menanyakan persoalan sebegini, ia dapat menjadi pencetus kepada perubahan dalam hidup kita. Sesi bersoal jawab dengan diri sendiri bukannya suatu yang biasa. Bahkan ia dinyatakan dalam Al-Qur’an melalui peristiwa yang berlaku kepada nabi Ibrahim. So, let us reflect to the words of Allah about the incident that had happened to the prophet Ibrahim ‘alaihis salam:

“Thus did we show Ibrahim the kingdom of the heavens and the earth that he be one of those who have Faith with certainty.

When the night covered him over with darkness he saw a star. He said: “This is my lord.” But when it set, he said, “I like not those that set.”

When he saw the moon rising up, he said: “This is my lord.” But when it set, he said” “Unless my Lord guides me, I shall surely be among the people who went astray.”

When he saw the sun rising up, he said: “This is my lord. This is greater.” But when it set, he said: “O my people! I am indeed free from all that you join as partners (in worship with Allah).

Verily, I have turned my face towards Him Who has created the heavens and the earth Hanifa (Islamic Monotheism, i.e. worshipping none but Allah alone), and I am not of Al-Mushrikun.” “

Surah Al-An’am, 6: 75-79

Sesungguhnya, dalam ayat-ayat Al-Qur’an di atas mempunyai banyak perkara yang boleh dipelajari. Salah satu perkara yang dapat dipelajari ialah Nabi Ibrahim berdiskusi dengan dirinya dalam mencari erti kata sebenar hidup ini. Pelbagai soalan ditanyakan oleh Nabi Ibrahim kepada dirinya sendiri dan segala persoalan ini akhirnya membawa kepada kebenaran yang dicari-cari.

Melangkah ke satu tahap yang ke hadapan, ada di kalangan kita pastinya dah berhadapan dengan situasi ‘berseorangan dan tertanya-tanya kepada diri sendiri.’ Apabila menempuh tempoh ini, ada yang memilih untuk mencari kebenaran itu sendiri, ada yang memilih untuk berada pada keadaan yang sama, dan pelbagai lagi keadaan yang mungkin berlaku.

Ada satu tip yang mungkin membantu bagi mereka yang benar-benar berusaha untuk mencari kebenaran. Antara perkara pertama yang patut kita lakukan ialah kembali kepada lafaz agung yang menjadi permulaan kepada keislaman kita, iaitu dua kalimah syahadah.

Kalimah ini menandakan pengiktirafan yang hakiki yang sama sekali tiada tuhan yang dijadikan tempat ‘penyembahan’ melainkan Allah yang Maha Esa dan juga Muhammad adalah rasul-Nya. Meyakini Allah sebagai Pencipta kepada segala yang ada adalah suatu yang amat kritikal dan ia perlu disusuli dengan penyerahan diri kepada-Nya.

Bermula dengan keyakinan ini maka wujudlah kefahaman kedua yang perlu ada, iaitu bagaimana Allah menyatakan ajaran-Nya kepada hamba-hambaNya. Dengan ini, penerimaan Muhammad SAW sebagai seorang manusia yang bukan sebarang manusia bahkan manusia ini diberikan wahyu oleh Allah untuk memberikan khabar gembira dan peringatan kepada manusia.

Izinkan saya untuk menanyakan anda beberapa persoalan. Pertama, apa yang anda ketahui tentang Muhammad SAW ini? Apakah yang berlaku dalam kehidupan manusia yang menjadi rahmat kepada sekalian alam ini sepanjang hidup baginda? Apa yang berlaku pada awal hidup baginda? Bagaimana baginda dapat menerima hakikat bahawa diri baginda adalah rasulullah? Soalan yang teramat penting sekali, benarkah rasulullah ini wujud? Adakah ia dongeng semata-mata? Bagaimana untuk kita membuktikan bahawa rasullullah pernah hidup di muka bumi ini dan telah menyempurnakan tugasan-Nya?

Persoalan di atas menguji akan keyakinan kita kepada dua kalimah syahadah yang kita lafazkan. Bagaimana kita dapat memahami akan perintah Allah sekiranya kita tidak membenarkan apa yang disampaikan oleh Muhammad SAW? Bagaimana pula dapat kita mengenal yang Maha Esa jika tidak daripada utusan-Nya?

Apa yang pasti, dengan berpegang sepenuhnya kepada kalimah ini, dengan pemahaman yang sebenarnya akan kata-kata yang ada dalam kalimah ini, dengan penyerahan yang optimum kepada kalimah ini, tiada siapa yang akan tersesat daripada jalan kebenaran. Dari sinilah kita mulakan perjalanan hidup kita untuk mencari identiti diri kita yang sebenarnya.

Apa ganjaran untuk mencari kebenaran ini? Salah satu jawapan yang terbaik untuk soalan ini ada dinyatakan oleh Allah dalam surah Al-Isra’, ayat 15 yang membawa maksud:

“Whoever goes right, then he goes right only for the benefit of himself. And whosoever goes astray, then he goes astray to his own loss. No one laden with burdens can bear another burden. And We never punish until We have sent a Messenger (to give warning).”

Maha Suci Allah yang telah mengingatkan kita bahawa kelalaian kita tidak akan membawa apa-apa makna kepada-Nya. Pengajaran yang diperoleh daripada Al-Qur’an cukup kuat yang tidak dapat digambarkan oleh kata-kata. Hanya mereka yang mendekati Al-Qur’an yang akan memperoleh keberkatannya.

‘O Allah! Guide us all to the right path.’


boleh pakai ke, "tak kenal maka tak cinta" ...
sayang pulak keropok-keropok didapur (yang Mazu and Ijan's mom send) terpaksa dibuang sebab ada binatang kecik kecik (macam bijan) hinggap! banyak sangatttt... ampunilah kami ya Allah...

I'm promoting kawanku.com! this is the place where you can meet friends from primary and high school, also in universities... just log in and create a new account and search for your school! it's awesome!!!!!

Teringat dulu, masa form 2 or form 3 -- jadi puteri aidilfitri
itulah the best thing that had happen to me during my time in mrsm. Well, the good results too.. alhamdulillah... glad to be there!

oh ye, the MSA is organizing "Discover Malaysia" in a month! how can I help? hmm...let's think! there aren't any food allowed, so no cooking... there's gonna be performance, WELL obviously I couldn't help! hmm... jadi receptionist kot.... give out brocher (I don't think I spell it right!)