assalamualeikum wbt

paper assignment for soc 160 -- Human Sexuality

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and How to Make Yours Last

In the book “Why Marriages Succeed Or Fail And How To Make Yours Last”, Gottman points out attitudes that doom a marriage and advices on how to strengthen the marriage. Gottman first present the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” which are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. These four attitudes are warning signs to failed marriages and should be recognized early to help maintain the relationship.

In critism, individuals attack their partners’ personality or character in general rather than attacking specific behavior and usually include blaming and accusatory. This attitude is not a problem until it becomes pervasive. When a person is contempting, he has intention of insulting or psychologically abusing his partner. Person with this kind of attitude tends to completely forget their partner’s personal quality and always have negative thoughts about the partner. Some examples of contempt include insulting, name-calling, mockery, sneering, and rolling eyes. The third warning sign is defensiveness. Defensiveness can occur when partners are denying responsibilities and making excuses to protect themselves. Sometime it occurs when a person is disagreeing with negative mind reading of the partner and when a person complaint meets the partner’s complaint or cross complaining. Other kinds of act that contribute to defensiveness attitudes are rubber man and rubber woman, yes-butting, repeating-yourself syndrome, whining and body languages. Stonewalling happens during interaction between partners. The stonewalled becomes completely silent portraying an icy distance, disapproval and smugness act. This is a poor communication skills that will never help a failing relationship but does not indicate an end of relationship either. Gottman’s research indicates that men have more tendencies to become stonewalled than women.

The four horsemen is a problem because it interferes in marital communication and discourages partners to find solutions to their problems. It creates a cycle of discord and negativity that is hard to overcome but it is not saying that the marriage has failed. In order to help couples encounter their marital problems, Gottman also develops a typology of marriage (Holman 1995). He states that married couples are categorized into validating couples, volatile couples and avoidant couples. By recognizing which category they fit in, they could solve the problems.

Gottman also suggests four keys to improving marriages. His first advice is to learn to calm down whenever either partner feel overwhelmed with the situation especially men, as they tend to get overwhelmed easily than women. Schmaling, Whisman, Fruzzetti, and Truax (1991) who assessed the marital interaction behaviors associated with wives' depression. They found that wife was associated with fewer depressive symptoms and the absence of a diagnosis of major depression (2002). The second step is to speak and listen nondefensively to the partner. Responding with admiration and praise to the partner help avoid fighting. The last step is validation that is to show that he or she understand his or her partner. Instead of blaming and defending, both partners should take responsibility, apologize and do the minimum.

Gottman also includes many exercises, quizzes, and tips from his longitudinal research in the book for the readers to use as a guideline in handling their own marital problems. He emphasizes that lots of sex doesn’t necessarily help a marriage and arguing which each other does not always lead to divorce. Interestingly, he predicts that wives who likes to make sour facial expressions when her husband talks is more likely to be separated within four years. Gottman believes that for every problems that occur in a marital relationship, there are solutions and if the couples cooperates with each other, the problems will be solve faster and could withdraw further negative arguments.

Gottman began studying couples interaction styles in the early 1980’s. He uses research methods such as observations which he does inside and outside laboratories, questionnaires and interviews and also physiological measures like heart rate, blood flow, perspiration and stress-related hormones to support his prediction and introduce new method that is workshops (Rochester 2002).

Observation method that he used is a good method because there are evidences that throughout the years, more and more sophisticated observational techniques founded. Hyde and Delamater in their book Human Sexuality state that direct observation have advantage in overcoming purposeful distortion or inaccurate memory problem in self-report although it is time consuming and expensive. This method had been use in the 1970’s by few behavioral and child psychologists to describe marital interactions (Rochester 2002). Observations can be done outside the laboratory and sometime give more accurate result to researchers. For example, older research shows that interaction in the lab underestimates differences between distressed and nondistressed couples, compared to tape recordings made in couples' homes (Gottman 1979).

Gottman not only use observation in his research but also go through questionnaires and interviews with participants where he has opportunities to ask more detail questions and at the same time measure the participants’ reaction to the questions (Rochester 2002). There are many advantages using questionnaires and interviews method such as to administer illiterate participants, to get more honest answers because of anonymosity and to build mutual trust relationship with participants and gain more accurate answers.

The use of physiological measures in studies of marital interaction has increased in the decade (Gottman 2000). Gottman, Jacobson, Rushe, and Shortt (1995) reported a typology of batterers based on physiological measure on heart rate reactivity. Gottman invites participants among them are married couples to his laboratory, hooked them with devices to record physiological measures and videotaped the couples respond to his questions. He analyzed the recording tapes and observed how the couples deal with issues that he presented. Gottman is not the only researcher who uses this method but many others did too. For example, Levenson, Ekman, Heider, and Friesen also use the same method to measure emotional and physiological of a problematic couples. In fact, all researchers similarly did follow up on their participants to prove that their predictions are correct (Peterson 2002). The computer usage helps on obtaining measurement and statistics. Fincham, Garpier, Gano-Phillips, and Osborne (1995) use two computer tasks to operational accessibility and measured response latencies to specific questions about the spouse or the marriage.

In many other major researches on marriage, old and modern researchers use the same method as Gottman did in his studies. All of the methods are well established and follows the ethical standards of most scientific organizations. Furthermore, participants are protected from harm and have the right to discharge from the research at any time. Gottman did analyze both husbands and wives and fairly indicates that both could contribute to a ruin marriage and help keep a long lasting marriage. Gottman research on marriage couples is acceptable and can be used in everyday life. From his follow up years after, there is huge percentage of correct prediction. His combination of observational and statistical method made his research more accurate. The statistical or mathematical approach was initially suggested by Rapoport (1960, 1972), using differential equations to represent parameters of mutual influence but he had no data for his model, no idea of what to measure, and his equations were linear, which are well-known to be unstable. However, in recent years, nonlinear equations have been successfully applied based on the Rapoport example (Cook, Tyson, White, et al., 1995; Gottman, Murray, Swanson, et al., in press; Gottman, Swanson, & Murray, 1999).

Gottman is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and a world-renowned researcher in topics in marriage. He is the author of more than 100 research articles for professional journals and has authored, coauthored, or edited over 30 books. He is the recipient of numerous prestigious awards for his extensive contributions to marriage and family research, including Distinguished Scientist Awards from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, the International Society for the Study of Family Relationships in 1989, the American Family Therapy Academy in 1993, and from the State of Washington American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists in 1994. He received the prestigious Burgess Award from the National Council on Family Therapists in 1995 for Distinguished Contributions to Family Research, as well as the Presidential Citation Award from the American Psychological Association for Outstanding Lifetime Research Contribution. He has also been elected Fellow of the American Psychological Association, serving as Chairman of Research for Division 43, Family Psychology; and he is the U.S. Representative for the International Academy of Family Psychology. He has further been the recipient of the highly regarded Research Scientist Award from the National Institutes of Mental Health on an ongoing basis since 1979 (Aycock 2002).

He conducted seminars, lectures, and workshops throughout the world for his colleagues in the field of psychology and family relations. He has appeared on numerous national television shows such as 20/20, Dateline NBC, the Oprah Winfrey Show, and Good Morning America. He is the director, co-founder of the Gottman Institute, where he offers workshops for clinicians and for couples on improving marital communication, based directly on his scientific research into how long-term happy and stable marriages actually work (Aycock 2002). Given his achievements and contributions to the psychological studies of topics in marriage, he is a good researcher and his researches are very effective in understanding, recognizing and predicting successful or failure marriages.

Works Cited
Aycock, Anthony. “The Gottman Institute / Smart Marriages.” Library Journal New York Feb 1, 2002 (Vol. 127 Iss. 2)
Gottman, John; Holman, Thomas B. “Book reviews -- What Predicts Divorce?” Family Relations Jan 1995 (Vol. 44 Iss. 1)
Gottman, John; Rochester. “A two-factor model for predicting when a couple will divorce: Exploratory analyses using 14-year longitudinal data / Commentary / Reply” Family Process Spring 2002 (Vol. 41 Iss. 1)
Gottman, John; Rochester. “Marital research in the 20th century and a research agenda for the 21st century” Family Process Summer 2002 (Vol. 41 Iss. 2)
Gottman, John. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and How to Make Yours Last New York: 1994
Hyde, Janet S.; Delamater, John D. Understanding Human Sexuality Eight Edition New York: 2003
Peterson, Karen S. “For better sex: Less conflict, more friendship.” [FINAL Edition] USA TODAY (Va. Jul 15, 2002)

assalamualeikum wbt

"hah... orang kaya memang berlagak" dalam drama kita selalu dengar kan? aha... kat madison ni memang betul2 ade situasi macam tu -- anak orang kaya besar-besar diri sambil memperkecil2kan orang lain. Gaji 4 angka tak pandang sebab dia boleh dapat gaji 5 angka, dia ada kuasa besar boleh jatuhkan orang lain and all.. ape lah!? tak sekolah ke? gi balik Malaysia lah! duk sini nyakitkan hati orang saje... eiiii...

lately, someone or group of people keep sending email paraphrasing other people sentences or brought up issues. WHY in the world would you wanna do that? don't you have any beneficial works to do? or are you surrounded by bucnh of crappy? huh!? STOP la!!!! tenyeh muka kat jalan raya baru tahu! eiii.....

assalamualeikum wbt

I really really want to cook this:

BADAK BERENDAM

Bahan-bahan:
1 paket (500 gram) tepung pulut

Inti kelapa:
1 biji kelapa muda - diparut
2 keping gula enau
Gula pasir - ikut manis
1 cawan air
2 helai daun pandan

Cara membuat inti:
Masukkan semua bahan dalam kuali dan tunggu hingga kering, sampai menjadi inti.

Cara membuat doh:
Gaul tepung pulut dengan air sehingga menjadi doh yang boleh dibentuk.
Dengan menggunakan sedikit minyak masak di atas kepingan daun pisang yang telah dilayur,
bentukkan tepung pulut sehingga menjadi sebesar telur penyu.
Lenyekkan senipis 1 cm kepingan bulat. Masukkan inti di tengah-tengah.
Bentukkan seperti karipap.

Mengukus:
Larutkan 2 sudu besar tepung gandum bersama 500 ml santan pekat dan sedikit garam.
Dalam takung pengukus, alas bersama daun pisang yang telah dilayur.
Susun kepingan kuih sepang dan masukkan santan pekat yang telah digaul bersama tepung gandum tadi.
Kukus hingga masak selama 10-15 minit.

insyaAllah next week or this summer ...

assalamualeikum wbt

it's been a while since I wrote on my own. Bush's idea of rebuilding Iraq really really made me angry. Why would he wants to interfere other's country administration. Isn't US enough for him? I think he wants to stick to his ancestors who had made revolutions. Can't we all just make peace on earth?

I was working at noon and the temperature was so high that I felt like passing out. Sandy got me a fan -- Thanks! :-) but I couldn't stay longer due to incomplete academic works. What would you do when your friend did something wrong? would you directly points out his/her mistakes or you would find a way so that you could both 'correct' her and still be her friend? I learned about good communication today in soc class. Yep, it's more directed towards communication in marriage couples but I strongly think that this could be applied to any other kind of relationship either. If you want to find readings about this topic, I would highly recommend you John Gottman's books. He did tons of research on communication especially in couples. Never dump on your partner all of your collective complaints and etc at one time, instead try to solve one by one.

ok, need to get to my paper.

assalamualeikum wbt

I have been thinking about doing the same survey before, and yet it's not been realized. Here, a brother helps me explaining what I have in mind. Jazakallah....

From a mailing list:

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah
Sahabat yang dirahmati Allah sekelian,

"Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad) kepada orang-orang lelaki yang beriman
supaya mereka menyekat pandangan mereka (daripada memandang yang haram)
dan memelihara kehormatan mereka. Yang demikian itu lebih suci bagi
mereka; sesungguhnya Allah Amat Mendalam PengetahuanNya tentang apa yang mereka kerjakan.

Dan katakanlah kepada perempuan-perempuan yang beriman supaya menyekat
pandangan mereka (daripada memandang yang haram) dan memelihara
kehormatan mereka dan janganlah mereka memperlihatkan perhiasan tubuh
mereka kecuali yang zahir daripadanya; dan hendaklah mereka menutup
belahan leher bajunya dengan tudung kepala mereka; dan janganlah mereka
memperlihatkan perhiasan tubuh mereka melainkan.....(Quran,24:30-31)

Namun masing-masing 'argue' sejauh mana pergaulan ini mesti dipelihara.
Pendapat ini di'quote' dari beberapa orang (sumber adalah saheed tetapi
dirahsiakan nama yang bercakap).

"Pergaulan kita sekarang memang berleluasa. Banyak Muslim yang duduk
laki dan perempuan berpasangan tanpa nikah, bergelak ketawa sesama
sendiri, tidak menundukkan pandangan dsb. Hal ini amat dimurkai Allah."

"Kalau duduk laki perempuan berdua tidak di tempat sunyi OK je. Macam di
library, di komputer lab atau di tempat membeli belah"

"Kalau lelaki perempuan bersentuh2, memang tak boleh. Tapi kalau tak
bersentuhan, tidaklah mengapa dalam Islam. "

"Kalau lelaki perempuan ramai dan tempat terbuka tak de masalah. Apatah
lagi kalau ada pihak authority seperti ustaz dan pegawai kerajaan.
Insha-allah akan terkawal. Bukan itu yang terbaik tapi kita kena bagi
peluang. Banyak juga program agama yang bercampur lelaki perempuan ...."

Mana idea yang benar menurut Islam?

Survey MSN Messenger 4.7 dan Yahoo Messenger
**********************************************
Kerana banyak interpretation pergaulan dalam Islam, satu soalan survey
telah dilaksanakan. Soalan ringkas ini dijalankan menggunakan MSN
Messenger 4.7 kepada beberapa belas sahabat yang sudi berkongsi pendapat.

Soalan yang ditanyakan:

Version I
"Jika anda telah berkahwin, adakah anda suka suami/isteri anda bergelak
ketawa dan bersuka ria dengan lelaki/perempuan lain? Mengapa?"

dan

Version II
"Jika anda telah berkahwin, adakah anda suka suami/isteri anda bergelak
ketawa dan bersuka ria dengan perempuan/lelaki lain (bukan mahram)?
Mengapa?"

Maklumbalas yang didapati:

"tidak, kerana tidak sepatutnya" - Brother CWRU

"hoh...kalau saya la, jawapan saya tak definite. tngok keadaan la.kalau
boleh, tak nak. eh jap. bersuka ria dgn bergelak ketawa tu jauh tu.
kalau bersuka ria, mmg tak nak la.kalau gelak ketawa, tu yg tak definite
tu.buatnye sedara mara dia ke..." - Brother Purdue

"bergantung rasanya. kalau ketawa tidak keterlaluan tak mengapa"
-Brother Purdue

"tak suka.tapi tgk extent.sbb cemburu" - Brother Purdue

"mencabar minda jugak ni. bergelak ketawa dgn berlainan jantina ke.tak
setuju juga.. sbb jealous " Brother Vanderbilt U

"tak suka. Isteri/suami perlu melebihkan suami/isterinya berbanding org
lain. Baik dielakkan." - Brother Purdue

"bergelak ketawa cam ner nie..emmm..kalo saya....bergelak ketawa..tgk
batas laa..takleh laa lebih2..kalo ngan pompuan samer laki..tuh tak leh
laa..lebih sgt..kalo sama pompuan..maybe..takde salah nyer kot..sbb ngan
laki..kang nanti..takut jadi ape2 lak kan..maner laa tau.."
Brother Delaware

"x suka" -Brother IU

"ooh ok..jawapan : saya tak suka isteri saya bergelak ketawa dgn lelaki
lain.kerana saya rasa dia tidak menjaga akhlaknya sbg isteri muslim. tu
saje kot lebih kurang jawapan saya" - Brother Michigan Ann Arbor

"maksudnya .. kalau kita suami ... kita tgk isteri gelak dgn laki lain
...kalau kita isteri....kita tgk suami gelak dgn isteri lain ?ermm..
rasanya .. mesti la jawapan tu ..kita tak suka.sbb ...ermm tak pasti
lah.jealous la kot.satu lagi .. tak patut lah..kalau kita muslim ..
isteri pulak sembang2 dan gelak dgn laki lain.kalau non muslim macam
american mungkin depa tak kisah.survey apa ni?" - Brother Purdue

"ok ok, hypothetical.....tak, sebab jealous.....depends context "
-Brother Purdue

"kena ada batas.tapi kena berbatas.takleh lelebih.mengapa? sebab manusia
perlu berinteraksi sesama sendiri .well...for example...kalau someone
buat lawak..and my isteri ketawa...apa salahnya...tapi...kalau someone
cam flirting flirting... and my isteri pon tunjuk macam minat.... itu
yang lebih..." - Brother Purdue

" tidak"- Brother USC

"x. menimbulkan prasangka "- Brother Purdue

"tidak "- Brother Purdue

"hmm...bersuka ria..tu camner...confirm saya tak suke...pasal...saya
akan rasa cemburu...dan akan menimbulkan fitnah dan syak wasangka dari
orang lain " - Brother IU

"saya memang ada masalah kalau isteri saya bergelak sakan dengan orang
lain, mesti ditegur tapi kenalah berhikmah" - Brother Texas

"ooo. bagi saya mmg ade batas2 nye. tapi kalau saye kenal dan percaya
akan lelaki/perempuan tuh dan saya present ketika itu .perkahwinan bukan
satu barrier utk suami/isteri saya dr berkawan...itu pada pendapat
saya.other ppl might think otherwise" -Brother Purdue

" alamak... soalan tu terlampau general laa sheikh... yg dimaksudkan
tuh, lelaki bukan mahram "isteri" ana ke?well, kalau ikut konteks &
penggunaan kata yg anta gunekan, yakni bergelak-ketawa & bersuka-ria",
sudah tentu ana tidak suka... gelak-ketawa tu mungkin orait
sket, cause it can mean positive things, but bersuka-ria tu
brings -ve connotation..." - Brother Florida

"insha-allah saya akan jaga pergaulan saya. kalau ade sister yang style
macam tu, saya reject awal2 lagi le...." Brother Purdue

"mean..pretend dah kawin ker? sekrang ni? emm...pada pendapat
pakcik..... selagi tak membatasi ape yang Islam batas...pakcik tak
kesah....tapi rase nye gelak gelak tu pakcik tak setujula bende tu.
actually kene mula dari awal pemilihab n tu jer yang pakcik boleh
cakap" - Brother RPI

Kesimpulan
************************************

1.Itu pendapat dari brothers. Sisters tak dapat dicapai kerana hanya ade
beberapa contact dan kebanyakannya tidak membalas . Satu balasan yang
diterima - tidak mahu memberi pendapat. Jika ada sesiapa sisters yang
ingin beri pendapat sila poskan di mailing list ini.

2. Jika tidak mahu suami/isteri berbuat sebagaimana dalam soalan, maka
perlulah kita menjaga pergaulan sekarang kerana mungkin di kalangan
crowd kita sekarang (dalam pergaulan, Midwest Game, program-program am dsb)
adalah bakal suami/isteri ( bagi yang belum berkahwin)

3. Dan lebih penting cuba bayangkan dalam Midwest Game atau mana-mana
program akan datang, suami/isteri kita adalah di kalangan peserta yang
akan hadir . Adakah kita sanggup memilih suami/isteri di kalangan yang
bertepuk tampar, bergelak sakan di tepi padang soccer atau bersakan ria
di medan bola tampar lelaki dan perempuan untuk mencari kemenangan kolej
semata-mata ?

Marilah kita takutkan Allah dan berbuat apa yang disukainya. Kalau kita
tidak suka (base pada survey), bagaimana lagi Allah yang wajib kita taati...?

Tasbeeh kaffarah

assalamualeikum wbt

received email from Kak Tini about TB immunization. To Malaysia, if you already gotten BCG and some other shot since baby, you need not to have any other shot or antibiotic because the one that you ahd before should last life-long. Don't get too excited to get treatment in this 'rich' country. heh...

I am loaded with academic stuff these days. More intresting, all of it due within this week. PaperS, assignment, homework and etc. "May Allah make it easy for me... ameen...."

assalamualeikum wbt

the fundraising was a successful, alhamdulillah. Gathering today too -- congrats to all who made it to the gathering! u all rawks! hahaha... I tried eating rice with 'sambal belacan' ONLY and the result: pedassssssssnye! isk....

They are talking about a movie titled East Is East -- a pakistani marrying a british and have children together. I think the movie tries to pint out about pakistani costumes but it ended up being hillarious, heh... can't wait to watch it.

sleepy

Assalamualaikum wrwb

Maaf,harap dapat beri penjelasan,kalau *** *** silap.
Adakah midwest yang *** maksudkan program yang msd
anjurkan yang bercampurgaul lelaki dan perempuan tu?
yang *** *** dapat cerita ada permainan gabung lelaki
dan perempuan satu pasukan?Kalau itulah yang
dimaksudkan *** *** tidak bersetuju samasekali untuk
buat jualan di situ untuk dana ***** atau ****.Ianya
seolah kita juga menyokong atau bersubahat dengan cara
gaya mereka.Matlamat tidak menghalalkan cara.
Jika ada sesiapa yang hendak pergi pastikan anda ada
missi da'wah.Jalankan amar ma'ruf nahi munkar.Jika
tidak kita akan dikira sama dengan mereka.s6/68-73
Jika bi'ahnya solehah,silakan dan syabas kerana
sentiasa berfikir untuk islam.
Maaf kepada semua ahli ****** ***** kerana *** ***
terlalu mendiamkan diri di mailing list ini.Maaf
terutama kepada ******* dan *****.

assalamualeikum wbt

hmm... soc exam went fine alhamdulillah... am working in soc sci ref lib rite now, with only 3 or maybe 4 people I think it's pretty boring in here. Pat seems to have gain more and more trust from me, thanks Pat. Since am not going back this summer, I'll be working most of the time and classes of course! finally got break from everything! alhamdulillah...

Bro. Lan is being unreasonable; sending sarcastic email to mailing list and assuming someone will get hurt by it. Stupidity doesn't bring you anything if you acts more towards it. Understand? So, was it the 'community' faults if your girlfriend didn't get in touch with us? did u ever encourage her to do so? kamu sebuk memadu asmara berdua saja kan. Dah naik bosan dah dgn email2 memperli and email-email pasal hal peribadi nih! stop it please...! be matured!

and to bro. Hakeem, if u were reading this: "aha... tayar kereta tuh macam dah flat, kami nih tak reti nak isi angin, tolong isikan boleh?"

what can be shared and what can't?

chatted with acab earlier. I invited her to our gathering this Saturday. So, the question again:

What can or what can't be shared?

are you willingly telling friends about yourself? and if you were married, will you tell others about your relationship with your spouse? where is the limit? Is everyone trustable? what makes you said that?

I was in boarding school since 13. It was a pretty intresting experience being in such community. I liked to write stuff in my diary and I put my diary under my pillow. One night after studying, I went back to my room finding my roomate reading my diary and she was happy doing it. I rushed to get back my dairy but she refused to give me back instead she called other people in the house and started reading out my diary loud. I was confused at the time but I did smiled though I felt like killing her at once. My other friend caught the book and gave it back to me, since then I never wrote anything, I kept everything inside 'here' and learn the act of isolation. I woke up very very early every morning, went to the mosque then went to class and study, took breakfast, went to formal class, went to study again, played hockey and handball and went to bed. That was my routine since the incident. She did continue making fun of me about my writings and never stop doing so. I was in the same class with her for 3 years. It was hell. She never said sorry or confronted me about me and I just kept it to myself till I graduated. Hopefully she'll learn something at present.

"If ye are on a journey, and cannot find a scribe, a pledge with possession (may serve the purpose). And if one of you deposits a thing on trust with another, let the trustee (faithfully) discharge his trust, and let him fear his Lord. Conceal not evidence; for whoever conceals it, his heart is tainted with sin. And Allah knoweth all that ye do." Al-Baqarah:283

Iraq is gone, now they're going after Syria. What's next? Malaysia? nauzubillah....

assalamualeikum wbt

Daylight saving time has begun. Still unsure about going back to Malaysia though personally I do want to go back to see how's my abah's doing and mekmah too... am gonna be an aunt soon! so so happy. In fact I did the baby shopping more than my sister did. Lucky her to have her baby first and also to have a sister like me.. hehehe :-)

wanna call aseks and clear things up before it's too late. "Ya Allah berilah aku kekuatan... ameen"
will go to class, then to work and back to #7 to prepare dinner. What would I cook? hmm... soc exam is on Thursday and P4 is due on Wenesday and Quiz 4 is also due on Wednesday and not to forget draft for paper soc also due tomorrow!

assalamualeikum wbt

oh well... today me and my housemates went out for the whole day -- went to west area: Walmart, Burlington and etc. while the other Madisonians went to Plateville. It's much fun going out with friends for fun rather than embrassing yourself on stage, kan? prepared shrimp fried rice and mazu fried some squids... Ijan is still sick :-( get well soon insyaAllah...

I hope you hope she hope -- intresting!
Dave, if you were reading my blog rite now, please call me -- wanna know hoe your dad's doing? ok? thanks...
I would like to recommend everybody to watch THE CORE, scientific sungguh!

I heard my Islam Religion and Culture prof. talk about the number 786. What does the number means?

"786" is the total value of the letters of "Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim". In Arabic there are two methods of arranging letters. One method is the most common method known as the alphabetical method. Here we begin with Alif, ba, ta, tha etc. The other method is known as the Abjad method or ordinal method. In this method each letter has an arithmetic value assigned to it from one to one thousand. The letters are arranged in the following order: Abjad, Hawwaz, Hutti, Kalaman, Sa'fas, Qarshat, Sakhaz, Zazagh. This arrangement was done, most probably in the 3rd century of Hijrah during the 'Abbasid period, following other Semitic languages such as Phoenician, Aramaic, Hebrew, Syriac, Chaldean etc. If you take the numeric values of all the letters of the Basmalah, according to the Abjad order, the total will be 786. In the Indian subcontinent the Abjad numerals became quite popular. Some people, mostly in India and Pakistan, use 786 as a substitute for Bismillah. They write this number to avoid writing the name of Allah or the Qur'anic ayah on ordinary papers. This tradition is not from the time of the Prophet -peace be upon him- or his Sahabah. It developed much later, perhaps during the later 'Abbasid period. We do not know of any reputable Imams or Jurists who used this number instead of the Bismillah. It is better that we use Bismillah, rather than using any mystery numbers. There is a great blessing in reciting Bismillah before any important act.

it's quiet a common pratice in Malaysia where a traditional healer will blows on himself or to others after reciting verse(s) from the Quran al-karim. Is it right to do so? Is it a sunnah, something that our beloved Prophet did?

Breathing out or blowing on is mentioned in the Qur'an and Hadith in many places. It is called "nafkh" or "nafth". Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created human being by blowing into him His spirit. (Al-Hijr 15:29; Saad 38:72; al-Sajdah 32:9) The end of this world as well as the resurrection will take place by the Blowing into the Trumpet. (nafkh al-Sur, al-Zumar 39:68, Yasin 36:51) It is mentioned that Jesus -peace be upon him- performed some miracles by blowing on the sick person or the dead person. "Dam-e-Isa" is a quite famous expression in Islamic literature. It is mentioned in many Ahadith that the Prophet -peace be upon him - also used to blow on the sick people and they used to be cured by the blessings of Allah's words. Hazrat 'Aishah -may Allah be pleased with her- said, "Whenever someone from the family of the Prophet would get sick, the Prophet used to recite the Mu'awwidhat (the prayers that begin with A'udhu, especially the last two Surahs of the Qur'an) and then he used to blow his breath on that person. When the Prophet himself was in his last illness, I recited the same verses and blew my breath on his hand and then rubbed him by his own hand, because Prophet's hand had more blessing than my hand." (Muslim, Hadith no. 4065) It is also mentioned in the some Ahadith that it was the habit of the Prophet -peace be upon him- to go to bed on his right side and then before sleeping he used to recite Ayatal Kursi, Surah al-Ikhlas (no. 112), Surah al-Falaq (no. 113) and Surah al-Nas (no. 114). He then used to cup his both hands and then breath into them and then used to rub them all over his face and body. (al-Bukhari, Hadith no. 5307). Blowing on and rubbing on the head, face or the body of a sick person was a common practice among all the Companions of the Prophet also. Allah's word, the Qur'an, has many blessings and it has a great healing power. However, we should keep in mind that only the Qur'an and authentic Prophetic prayers (ad'iyah masnunah) should be used for this purpose. It is better to be done by the elders in the family or some pious Muslims in the community. Blowing has nothing to do with magic spells, although it may appear like that to some people. Muslims only rely on Allah. We pray only to Him and we seek His help through our prayers. Some scholars used to say that the blessings in the blowing comes from the Dhikr and the reading of the Qur'an. Our breath participates in mentioning the name of Allah, so it also receives the blessing of His name.

assalamualeikum wbt

tried calling makcik earlier but aseks answered the phone. What to do? Dave called from Beloit. He said that his dad was hospitalize again :-( Talk to his mom too... hopefully she'll take it easy though I know it's scary... Get well soon! so so sleepy but it's only 12:05 am here. Maybe continue with my reading... tomorrow will be the big day -- Madison people are going to Plateville for Discover Malaysia! huhuhu.. all da' best! want to go but do not want to go either... hahaha

a cs major joke:

"Two engineering students had thoroughly impressed their Professor in one of their core subjects, having achieved the highest marks throughout the semester's continuous assessments. Being one to give credit where due, the Prof made no secret of his two prize students, continually praising their achievements. The weekend before their final exam (which was to contribute fifty percent of their final grade,) these two geniuses felt they deserved a hard earned break and so went out of town to celebrate their 'pending' success. Having partied late all weekend (and then some,) the two students overslept Monday morning, missing their final exam! Never lacking in will power, they were determined not to fail, having come so far, so well. Upon rolling into town, they appealed to the Prof, and conveniently explained that they had a flat tire while out visiting and that it was not their fault for missing the exam. The Professor was very understanding and rescheduled their exam to the next day, much to the student's delight! They arrived at his office the next morning, where he sat them on each side of his desk facing opposite walls, while he worked on grading the other exams. They opened their examination books and were both pleased with the first easy 10-point question that came directly from a homework assignment. You could hear nothing but the quick writing of their pencils in the room, until they both flipped the page, almost at the same time, where the second question read thusly... "90 points: Which tire?"

funny enough? heh...

assalamualeikum wbt

hmm... speaking about nationality, I met Amir (the Israelian guy from my Islam, Religion and Culture class last semester) in the library. Always the first thing he'll ask is about my studies, "how your study going?". Few weeks before I saw his name on the Badger Herald's advertisement, one full page of names who support Israel and so I asked him, "Did they ask you to put your name on that advertisement?" and he said, "Nope, I didn't know, but it's ok. Yeah, I don't agree a lot with my country but I am still an Israelian." I knew he wouldn't put his name voluntarily but, whatever...

People keep arguing on some issues nowadays which is mostly good but when it comes to attacking individuals, I don't think it is academic anymore. But still, we do not have any rights to judge anybody for what they wrote. Then, how do you see other people? I mean, how do you determine good and bad person? Which category are you in? hmm... experties will say this is subjective questions... heh

There was a conflict back in MRSM PDRM where the Muslim Student Association's committee didn't agree with the Student Board about certain issue, so they fight back. But the representative from MSA wasn't that 'good' either, so the crowd talked about him. He heard about it and so he gave public speech that night about receiving content by not judging the person who gives the content. Like when you see a bad wrapper but you don't directly say that the food inside doesn't taste good, things like that. I never thought of such 'ideology' before... nice.

I wasn't that good either. Well, whose gonna say the other way right? There's huge different between learning and practicing. When you do mistakes while learning, people won't put such blame on you because they you are learning something you didn't know before but when you're practicing, even if it was a tiny mistakes, people will say sth like "ohh... he always forgot...", "hmm... she isn't a good girl" or "why is she different now?" kan?

Is it wrong to dance on stage? Is it a sin to wear tight shirt and makes the guys give good complement about your butt? hmm... think

hanya padamu
pertama dan yang terakhir
pohon cintaku merendang
disirami kasih suci....

tiada dua hanyalah satu
kau yang kucintai

when reading lyrics like above, we'll have thoughts on LOVE or couples... try reading the lyrics one more time. Is there any differences from nasyid song lyrics, modern nasyid? heh...

mumbling too much! stop

assalamualeikum wbt

I like the story below... "pedas tapi ngancam" my friend said....
hohoho.. made up my mind, am not going to the voting session tonite -- rather stays at home finishing my papers.
so, what paper? soc 160 paper, just a summary of a book I read titled "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and how you can make yours last" by John Gottman. Intresting and have lots of questionaires... I would recommended this book to everyone.

I make mistake at work yesterday, thus I have to rescan about 50 pages again :-( which is boring because I'm using the Pulnix scanner (huge scanner that needs you to be extra careful about focusing and lighting). Tips on this: always ask if unsure... OK

today in sex class, we had a transgender speaker. She was a male, a husband and a father of 2 children before she made up her mind to change her gender to female. She said that she had continues dreams about being a girl during her child and because of lack of information and limited resources and supports, she 'tortured' himself by being a man. She don't have friends when she was a kid and never dated anyone in high school. She met her wife after graduating high school, ended up marrying her and have kids with her. She had no difficulties functioning as a man but she felt that there's something missing inside. She told her wife about it and she seemed ok at first but later on she freaked out and left her. Her wife took their kids along but she filed a divorce and the children live under her custody until now. He only did come out as a woman after all her children were out of the house. They seems ok with her changing identity but some of her immediate families weren't that supportive. But she said she's fine with that. My prof. showed some slide on the surgery process and before-after picture. The surgery was hurt but it's worth it, they said. It is not about sexuality but it's about identity, about being someone else.

the story:

Pada pagi itu, seperti mana pagi-pagi yang lain, aku menyambut kedatangan seorang tetamu tetapku.
"Assalamualaikum", seru Subuh.
"Wa'alaikumsalam", sahutku.

Dan kami terus berpelukan, tanda rindu serta kasih sayang. Kutanya khabar Subuh, bagaimana keadaannya mengembara dari satu tempat ke satu tempat.
"Tadi..", kata Subuh dengan sayu, "... aku baru sahaja melintasi satu
tempat.

Kucari tempat persinggahan, kuketuk rumah-rumah yang sunyi, tapi satupun yang tiada mahu menerimaku sebagai tetamu." Dan airmata Subuh pun berlinangan.

"Subuh, usah kau pedulikan mereka, bukankah aku menyambutmu dengan penuh rasa kegembiraan? Subuh mengangkat mukanya seolah-olah teringat sesuatu.

"Oh ya, tadi aku lalu di suatu tempat yang tanahnya disebalik sungai. Orang-orangnya sepertimu, menyambutku dengan penuh kesukaan, menjamuku dengan pelbagai hidangan yang lazat serta mengiurkan. Hidangan yang paling kusuka adalah buah Tahajjud, puas kucari dibumi lain, tapi jarang kujumpa. Di situ aku meratah buah Tahajjud dengan puas serta leka".

Dan Subuh merenung mataku mengharapkan sesuatu. Aku fahami maksud Subuh.

"Maaf Subuh, aku tiada menanam pohon Al-Lail, jadi aku tidak dapat menghidangkanmu dengan buah yang kau sukai. Tapi aku ada Roti Shiyam",cadangku pada Subuh.

Subuh menolak dengan hormat. "Roti itu ada tuan punyanya", kata Subuh.

"Adakah kau mahu manisan Zikir?" rayuku pada Subuh.

"Baiklah, ambilkan aku sedikit, serta bawakan aku segelas Air Mata Tangisan", pinta Subuh.

Aku agak sugul, bagaimana harusku beritahu pada Subuh, yang Mata Air Tangisan sudah hampir kekeringan akibat kemarau Maksiat yang berpanjangan? Namun, aku tetap menjenguk ke dalam Perigi yang memuatkan Mata Air tersebut. Aku terkejut. Perigi tersebut hampir separuh penuhnya. Dan aku berdetik didalam hati, adakah ini tanda kemarau akan berakhir? Tanpa berlengah lagi kubawa Air tersebut pada Subuh, tetamu yang kusanjungi, dan kusuakan manisan yang dipintanya. Selesai menjamah kesemuanya, Subuh pun melirikkan sebuah senyuman.

"Subuh ..", seruku, "... mahukah kau tinggal selamanya denganku? Aku memerlukan teman dalam kesunyian. Akan kulayan kau dengan sebaiknya,wahai Subuh". Subuh tersenyum lagi menandakan permintaanku tidak akan terpenuhi. "Aku perlu menziarahi ramai orang, dan ramai lagi yang memerlukan
kehadiranku untuk mengubati rindu mereka, sepertimana aku menguliti mimpimu".

Dan aku akur dengan penjelasan Subuh. "Subuh",.. seruku lagi bila melihat Subuh bersiap untuk pergi, "Sudikah kau menziarahiku lagi esok hari?"
"InsyaAllah", jawab Subuh,"... bukankah aku kekasih yang kau rindui?"
Subuh berangkat dengan lambat tetapi tetap.

"Assalamualaikum", seru Subuh.

"Waalaikumsalam", jawabku kembali.

Dan mataku terus meniti langkah Subuh, yang semakin laju dengan setiap
langkah. Dan akhirnya Subuh hilang dari pandangan.

P/S : Apalah agaknya keluh kesah dari Zohor, Asar, Magrib dan Isyak?
Jawapannya... tersirat dalam diri.

assalamualeikum wbt

It's already 1:25 am in the morning and I'm still here in front of my humble computer (hahaha...) writing on my bloggie. Got this again from uwmisa.org

In front of the person you love, your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you like, you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring
But in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you blush
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like, you smile.

In front of the person you love, you can't say everything on your mind
But in front of the person you like, you can.

In front of the person you love, you tend to get shy
But in front of the person you like, you can show your own self.

You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you love
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with them
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye
But the feeling of like starts from the ear.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like all, you need to do is cover your ears. But if you try to close your eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever after…

hmm... means that I like many people but love only few of them... LOL
There'll be elections tonite at Memorial Union -- hopefully they'll choose a good leader; am I? hmm.. choose wisely eh! love love love love love love love is love.

assalamualeikum wbt

trying hard to study cs for exam this wednesday. Pray for my success please... jazakallah.. and below, an article from uwmisa's website. Enjoy!

Dalam al-Quran, ada digambarkan empat jenis wanita yang bergelar isteri.

Pertama, jenis ideal isteri Musa. walaupun al-Quran tidak menyebut namanya, namun isteri Musa ini dikenali sebagai Safura anak perempuan Syuaib. Safura digambarkan seorang gadis murni. Dia tertarik dengan Musa. Cintanya kepada calon suami, tidak hanya demi kebahagiaan keluarga, iaitu membantu ayahnya. Al-Quran menggambarkan cinta mulia dan halus Safura melalui ayat 26 surah al-Qashash yang bermaksud:

"Salah seorang dari kedua wanita itu berkata "Ya bapaku ambillah ia sebagai orang yang bekerja (pada kita), kerana sesungguhnya orang yang paling baik yang kamu ambil untuk bekerja (pada kita) ialah orang yang kuat lagi dapat dipercayai"

Dan sesungguhnya perkahwinan yang ideal ialah perempuan yang mulia serta setia berpasangan dengan suami yang kuat lagi amanah. Inilah pasangan romantis sebenar.

Kedua, jenis isteri Abu Lahab iaitu perempuan jahat berganding dengan suami terkutuk. Dalam surah al-Lahab ayat 3 dan 4 yang bermaksud:

"Kelak dia akan masuk ke dalam api yang bergejolak. Dan (begitu pula)isterinya, pembawa kayu bakar"

Isteri Abu Lahab bernama Ummu Jamil tidak disebut dalam al-Quran. Abu Lahab memiliki akhlak buruk dan dikatakan pernah mencuri emas yang terdapat di Kaabah kerana tamak dan rakusnya. Isterinya pula seorang penyombong dan memiliki perasaan hasad dengki yang kuat. Jadi, tugasnya ialah pembantu setia kejahatan suaminya. Kalau Abu Lahab merupakan penentang utama terhadap nabi s.a.w, maka isterinya adalah pendorong utama yang turut aktif di dalam kegiatan jenayah suaminya. Jadi jika suami diumpamakan terbakar dalam kejahatan nafsu, isteri pula pembawa kayu api - iaitu pengobar kejahatan suami. Maknanya isteri aktif dalam kegiatan jahat suami.

Ketiga, isteri baik dalam genggaman suami yang jahat. Watak ini menyebut isteri Firaun sebagai contohnya. Walaupun Firaun melalui al-Quran merupakan seorang Raja Besar yang dikutuk Allah, namun isterinya disanjung tinggi dalam al-Quran. Isteri Firaun yang kononnya bernama Asiah ini juga tidak diberikan nama oleh al-Quran. Ia disebut sebagai "imraatu Firaun" atau perempuan Firaun sahaja.

Walaupun Asiah ditakdirkan berpasangan sebagai suami isteri dengan Firaun, namun tindakan akhlaknya sangat bertentangan dengan suaminya yang zalim itu. Asiah menyelamatkan Musa, sebaliknya Firaun ingin menghapuskan Musa. Dia berkenan dan beriman dengan ajaran Islam yang dibawa Musa. Semua manusia dilingkungannya menyembah Firaun sebagai Tuhan, tetapi dia diam-diam menyembah Allah.

Keempat ialah watak perempuan Nuh dan Lut. Isteri dua orang nabi a.s ini dinyatakan Allah melalui al_Quran surah at-Tahriim ayat 10 yang bermaksud:

"Allah membuat isteri Nuh dan isteri Lut perumpamaan bagi orang-orang kafir. Keduanya berada di bawah pengawasan dua orang hamba yang salih di antara hamba-hamba Kami;lalu kedua isteri itu berkhianat kepada kedua suaminya, maka kedua suaminya itu tiada dapat membantu mereka sedikitpun, dari (seksa) Allah; dan dikatakan (kepada keduanya);"masuklah ke neraka bersama orang-orang yang masuk (neraka)"

Isteri Lut kononnya bernama Wa'ilah, tetapi isteri Nuh tidak diketahui namanya. Namun kedua perempuan ini juga tidak disebut dalam al-Quran siapakah nama mereka.Keduanya adalah isteri kepada dua lelaki pilihan Allah, namun mereka disifatkan oleh Allah sebagai pengkhianat dan menjadi ahli neraka.

Demikianlah gambaran watak isteri dalam al-Quran.

assalamualeikum wbt

as for today, nuthin' much going on except spending time with roomies :-) then went to Shaz's house: she prepared dinner for us! tq shaz! Next thing, everyone went back to their very own room and get ready for first day of school tomorrow, alhamdulillah.... I'll have an exam on Wednesday but haven't study much yet...

I got something on mind rite now -- will be making a very big decision soon. Hopefully it will bring only good to me and others, insyaAllah... been receiving comments about me being wacky and etc. person. Yeah, you can't tell one's personality until you met and have communication with that person. I guess how I wrote doesn't necessarily reflects who I am. I could be different, right? I might just wanna impress people with my writing or the other way, 'Allahualam...

Didn't go to Open House today :-(

I think I did write about 'Life is A Wheel' before. It really is true. Sometime you're opposite the ground but sometime you're exactly on the ground and you could feel the earth, it could be hurtful, unpleasant, wet or anything but being further from the ground doesn't mean that you're comfortable enough, kan? You will never also manage to grab 2 things at once with one hand, sometime even with both hands. Few things need both hands whereas few things need only one.

I believed myself isn't capable of being a good person without support and help from me and people around me. I am a complete failure when it comes to perfection. I tried harder everydays but I always loose to me and people around me.

"And O my people! Ask forgiveness of your Lord, and turn to Him (in repentance): He will send you the skies pouring abundant rain, and add strength: to your strength: so turn ye not back in sin!" Hud:52

assalamualeikum wbt

just received Discover Malaysia cds from Bard. Unfortunately those cds aren't working very well, so we (me, Ijan and Mazu) watched Ijan's on her computer. Intresting, a successful and....

dunno how to start my words... above all, am frustrated and guilty... was I the person who made all these worsen. Why didn't I use what I had to stop it from happening? was I that weak? or was I the same? sungguh! menitis air mata melihat semua itu. Tahu tak, disaat kita berjoget, bergurau senda bertepuk tampar berpeluk-peluk ada hamba Allah ditempat lain, disaat lain sedang mengerang diambil nyawanya, mengerang melahirkan seorang bayi yang suci, menahan lapar dan lain-lain. Ya betul, mungkin ada juga hamba Allah di tempat lain yang sedang berjudi, bermaksiat dsb tp ape bezanya kita dengan mereka? Tak, am not that 'alim' or whatever they called it... tapi.. 'Allahualam...

niza messaged me earlier, missed her so much!!! when will I see you again my dear friend? There's a lot to say but none did even pass through my lungs. Rindu niza, rindu usrah, rindu kak lisa, rindu kak lea, rindu suasana seperti dulu...

assalamualeikum wbt

raihan, usamah and seri from CMU is here! glad to meet them; long time no see! :-) Received a call from Kak Nur in Milwaukee. Missed her and others but am not in the right condition to travel -- heh really? yeah... about my attendance and other da'wah stuff... hmm... how do I say this? I said it once before, "rehat sekejap..." then a friend said, "mana ada rehat dalam berdakwah..." dunno lah... but I need to contemplate myself... and my life. 'Allahualam...

assalamualeikum wbt

hmm... received email from Sidra, I got nominated for a position in MSA. She asked me to choose a position to run for but haven't think of anything or even decide to accept the nomination yet. my body temperature lowered today alhamdulillah... left with stuffy nose and mild coughs.

in discussion today, we had 4 speakers from outreach (LGBT group) -- Terry, Roger, Lessie and Harry: 3 gay men 1 bisexual woman. One of them was married for 3 years and his 'husband' is now in London. The other 3 aren't in any kind of relationship right now due to career. I just kept myself as I don't know what to ask but most of the questions wandered around how they survived in the community, when did they first came out and etc.

a little tazkirah from myqalam.cjb.net (didn't get permission for this)

Apa Yang Mencantikkan Wajah?

Al-Ahnaf Bin Qais ialah seorang ulama yang terkenal di zamannya. Suatu hari seorang pemuda dari suku Tai'yi berkunjung ke rumahnya. Rumah Al- Ahnaf memang sentiasa dikunjungi oleh orang ramai terutamanya anak- anak murid dan sahabat handainya. Mereka yang datang itu adalah untuk tujuan berlajar dan menuntut dari beliau. Bagaimanapun kedatangan pemuda dari suku Tai'yi ini amatlah menarik perhatian Al-Ahnaf.

Al-Ahnaf mendapati pemuda ini sangat segak dan tampan, berbeza dari pemuda yang sebaya dengannya. Lalu Al-Ahnaf pun bertanya,
"Wahai anak muda! Ada kamu menghiasi wajah mu dengan sesuatu?"

Jawab pemuda,
"Memang benar, saya ada menghiasi wajah saya dengan sesuatu iaitu jika saya bercakap saya tidak pernah berbohong. Kalau ada orang yang sedang bercakap, saya hanya duduk diam dan mendengar. Jika saya berjanji, saya akan tepati janji itu dan jika saya diberikan amanah, saya tidak mengkhianatinya."

Mendengar jawapan yang bernas itu maka berkatalah Al-Ahnaf,
"Benar akan kata-kata mu itu wahai anak muda. Sungguh engkau telah menghiasi diri mu dengan akhlak mulia."

'Allahualam...

assalamualeikum wbt

I cought fever -- my body temperature raised and my eyes are red. "Maha besar ujianMu ya Allah..."

it's been a while since I last visited few of my friends' site; am gonna do that after midterms finish insyaAllah....

assalamualeikum wbt

I want to say sorry to many people, dunno if I ever have the courage to do so... saya mintak maaf pada semua atas apa-apa kesalahan saya secara sedar atau tidak, halalkan segalanya.... am very very sorry... if I were to die, please forgive all my bad.

the changes of level of estrogen and progestrone in my body really affects me... I could easily cry while scanning at my work place, and also while in the bus... masyaAllah.... besar sungguh kejadianMu ... berikan aku kekuatan menempuh hidup yang mendatang, Ya Allah ampunilah dosa-dosaku ya Allah... tak sanggup menanggung azab nerakaMu ya Allah... ameen

Both articles below are for me to read and for any of you who is intrested and ready:

The Prophet, salaallaahu `alayhi wa sallam said, A Muslim who is killed in a battle is a martyr, (dying in) plague is artyrdom, a woman who dies while delivering a baby is a martyr. [Ahmad, Daarimee, Tiyaalisee, authenticated by Al-Albaanee]

The Prophet, salaallaahu `alayhi wa sallam said, The martyrs are seven, other than the one who is killed in the Way of Allaah, ta`aalaa:

- One who dies of plague,
- one who drowns,
- one who dies of pleurisy,
- one who dies of stomach ache,
- one who dies due to burning
- one who dies under a demolition (by accident)
- a woman who dies with a baby in her womb
[Maalik, Aboo Dawood, An-Nasaaee, Ibn Maajah, Ibn Hibban, Haakim, Ahmad. Authenticated by al-Albaanee]

The Prophet, salaallaahu `alayhi wa sallam said:

- "Getting killed in the Path of Allaah ta`aalaa is martyrdom,
- [death in] confinement during childbirth is martyrdom,
- [death by] getting burned [by accident] is martyrdom,
- [death by] drowning [by accident] is martyrdom,
- [death due to] tuberculosis is martyrdom,
- [death due to] stomach ache is martyrdom."
[Tabaraanee, Ahmad, authenticated by al-Albaanee]

and

It is established from the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, that he informed us of a number of clear signs that a person has concluded his life upon good, and we ask Allaah, the One free of all imperfections, that He grant us that. So any person who dies in one of these ways then it is glad tidings for them, and how excellent this is:

(1) Pronouncing the Shahaadah (i.e. La ilaaha illallaah) when dying.
(2) Dying with sweat upon the brow.
(3) Dying on the night preceding or the day of Friday.
(4) Martyrdom upon the battlefield. [This martyrdom, may Allaah grant it to us, is to be hoped for by everyone who prays for it
sincerely, even if he is not able to die upon the battlefield, as occurs in the authentic hadeeth]
(5) Death due to plague.
(6) Death due to stomach illness.
(7) Death by drowning.
(8) Death due to a building falling upon him.
(9) Death of a woman during pregnancy due to the child.
(10) Death through consumption/tuberculosis.
(11) Death whilst defending the Deen or one's person.
(12) Death whilst defending one's property from robbers.
(13) Death whilst defending the frontiers of Islaam.
(14) Death whilst doing a righteous action.
(15) Death in a fire.

People's Praise of the Deceased

(1) If a group of truthful Muslims speak in praise of the deceased, their number being two or more of the people of piety and knowledge
who lived near to and knew the deceased, then Paradise is assured for him.

(2) If a person dies at the time of an eclipse of the sun or moon, then that does not indicate anything. The belief that it shows
the importance of the deceased is a false superstition of the times of Ignorance.

kullu am wa antum bikhair ... insyaAllah

assalamualeikum wbt

felt so empty tonite, returning to Quran al Kareem filled me alhamdulillah. I remembered a friend told me about throwing himself out of his community, hope I could go with him... away from everything, start new life in the right path... hurted my finger yesterday while cutting the chicken, it's just a small cut -- could you imagine the Serb who sloughtered the Bosnian? nauzubillah... "moga dirahmatiNya ameen..."

assalamualeikum wbt

classes start tomorrow... war is getting worst! nauzubillah... set them free, mind your own business please!!!!!!!

assalamualeikum wbt

I told Pat that I wanted to work for 30 hours this week but I ended up working only for 15 hours. I didn't go to work on Wednesday and Thursday, Wednesday for my laziness and Thursday, the first day of WAR AGAINST IRAQ -- dun felt so secure to go out that day. I wish I could talk to the people I wanted to talk to... people who are far away from here... :-(

I didn't even touched my books all these days... so, what did I do? 'Allahualam... made myself busy remembering my oldies, my families, thinking my sins, trying to be good girl, trying to be good friend to bad friends -- are there any bad friends? nooo... they aren't bad, they're just different : if I couldn't accept the differences, why should they? kan?

got raised in my paycheck alhamdulillah... lucky me to tell Sandy about my hours or I'll stuck with same old wage till the end. ALHAMDULILLAH

who's fault? the war I mean, some Iraqis were happy when Saddam's palace was destroyed, some soldiers surrendered and some US and British's soldiers were dead outside the battle field... and their parents back here said "he's my only son..." . Didn't u learned the risks before letting him go? well, couldn't say much as I'm not in their stand though my dad used to be a soldier. He's not there when my bro was born. "Ya Allah lindungilah keluargaku dari sebarang bencana, berilah keamanan kepada keluargaku ya Allah... ameen"

know what; I've been wearing the same shirt all week -- hehehehe... dun judge me! it was cold outside so am not sweating! I think I'd better get to my school works or I'll be in trouble next week. Bought some baby cloths at Walmart for sister. Will send it later...

wish I could be home now with mak, abah, mekmah, arif, eka and mamat and no one else. Wish things would be as it was before -- missed all those wonderful time before that guy came into her life. Not that I hate him, but I wanted it to be the same again, just as it was...

this article is intresting:

Need to Love Someone, Is That Wrong?

Love can mean many different things, it can be a wonderful experience, which touches our deepest emotions.. It is a quiet understanding, mutual confidence,sharing, and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Love is content with the present it hopes for the future, and it does not brood over the past. It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals. If you have loved in your life, it can make up for the many things that you are missing. That is the image of Love that I have in my mind. Does that sound so evil Is it wrong to wish to have a soul mate a confidant a friend a lover a spouse in one whom you share your inner most deepest thoughts? To see someone who truly impresses you in their character, personality and their honesty, and wish you can be with them forever? Is it wrong to love someone like that? Is it?

Yet when we find enough courage to publicly act on our love by either talking to our parents or the girl's parents, we suddenly get a bitter dose of reality that we were too naïve and idealistic in our intentions. However to the majority of people think of them as ridiculous and not valid in the real world. Have they forgotten that they themselves have been in the same situation not so long ago?

It is so very sad for me to see that we have to suffer unmarried life due to UN-Islamic social factors. We must blame our un-Islamic social customs and materialistic outlook that cause some men and women to remain unmarried. Many young people or their parents have very high expectations for their spouses. They make very difficult standards of education, profession, wealth or physical features .The result is that such people remain unmarried or others do not marry them because they do not meet those standards. We Muslims must emphasize that best criterion according to Islam is good character, and judge a person on him or her character alone rather than family, social standing etc.

The Prophet -peace be upon him- said,
"If someone whose faith and morals you trust makes a proposal of marriage to you then marry him, otherwise there will be trials and much corruption in the land" .

As Muslims it is also our duty to help our Muslim brothers and sisters to get married. Allah says in the Quran,
"And help to get married those among you who are single or the virtuous ones of your slaves, males or females. If they are in poverty Allah will give them means out of His grace. For Allah encompasses all and knows all things." (Al-Noor 24:32)

--> be extra careful folks, a good guy doesn't last forever, though there are some BUT not all! dun miss anything, check his background and all -- it's a good practice insyaAllah...

assalamualeikum wbt

began this week with working for 5 and 1/2 hours. It went well alhamdulilah. While waiting for number 4 bus, I met Laura and Effa and they told me that they saw Hakim and bunch of people (people from Purdue maybe they said) on State Street. I asked if there was any girl? and they said yes there were few girls. Ohhh, Niza's face came through my mind. I really really want to meet her. Have lots to say... felt so sad, I called Shaz and she said she forgot to tell me about them coming. It is myself to blame, no one else.

Yep, if Saddam doesn't come out of Iraq within 48 hours, there'll be war. But u know what, there isn't any different, if he does get out of his country or if he stays, the troops will attack! or worst, takes control of the country. I guess the second solution is even worst! who do not want independent? 'Allahualam...

talked to my mom for hours today. I guess the school break turn me into one homesick gurl... with my sister's pregnancy and everything, I become worried... who doesn't? she's my sister and will always be! friends; well they turn away when u're in trouble or when u don't do what they like to do, u know what I mean... In Hasnah's case, I'm not suprised though overwhelmed. They shouted for sisterhood/brotherhood but they acted individualistic or could I say biased? 'Allahualam... think again! OK

In the quran;
"They ask thee concerning (things taken as) spoils of war. Say: "(Such) spoils are at the disposal of Allah and the Messenger: so fear Allah, and keep straight the relations between yourselves: obey Allah and His Messenger, if ye do believe." Al - Anfal:1

oh, I have a question (please, if anyone knew or wants to argue, please do so in my chatbox)
I learned about the pshycological aspect of human life span, from birth until death. In early life, children tend to be homosocial, which means that they like to play or socialize with their own gender, separating girls from boys. But this unlearn behavior gone by time and later they change into heterosexual relationship. My question is, are the Muslim community a homosocial community? The women separate themselves from men, aren't they? By stereotype, this kind of social behavior be gone after the parent decide their partner, though it's kind of rare cases nowadays (They want to choose their own partner, fall in love first and then get married). So, the homosocial behavior in Muslim community does fade away as they become older (because most people get married when they're older). Is my argument acceptable? can anyone explain? 'Allahualam...

assalamualeikum wbt

nothing much happen today. Since cs class was cancelled for today, I went to work early in the morning. Everybody at work was really careful when talking to me or talking to each other. They never get into discussion about the current war situation. Well, actually I talked to Pat once but just with her. I knew Russell is majoring in History and I think he knows if not much, a bit about what is happening. But they all are wonderful people. Got many projects coming in and I am still working on World War I project which left me with 3 more issues to scan and tons to cropped and leveled. Not to mention quality controlling, OCRing and making derivatives... ohhh it takes forever!

went to Pizza with mazu and kept admiring at the cinamon breads on buffet bar. We ordered only bread and personal pan shrimp pizza. Alhamdulillah ... went to music class, listened to 'little big band' performing few jazz songs. Nice... then went back home and eat and eat and eat. Never stop eating! Dave's mom called -- She's the kindest and sweetest women I ever met here. Love her so much. Dave is nice too... (I know you're reading my blog Dave... hehehe)

so what's up? I chatted with my sis back home; she told me abah ade 'kencing manis' or diabetes ... That'll explain my mom complaint's about my dad's appearance. She said that abah lose too many pounds... I'd be suprised she said. "Ya Allah, lindungilah keluargaku ya Allah... ampunilah dosaku, kedua ibu bapaku, selamatkanlah mereka didunia dan diakhirat.. ameen"

hopefully war against Iraq will not happen. Really really want to go back home.. to see my family... my mak, my abah, my sister, my brother, my atuk, my wan, my tok ki, my aunts and my uncles... wants to see everybody... insyaAllah

what event took place during this month? Let's figure it out insyaAllah

The Second Pledge of Al - Aqabah

Mus`ab bin `Umair, the Prophet’s deputy, fulfilled his mission successfully, which led to the increase of the number of Muslims in Yathrib.

In the following year, which was the 13th year after the Prophet’s mission, Mus`ab returned to the Prophet (peace be upon him) to inform him of the success he had achieved and the positive attitude the people of Yathrib showed towards Islam. He further told him that a delegation from Yathrib would come to Mecca to meet him. Thus, a delegation composed of 73 men and 2 women attended for this purpose and the meeting was secretly held in Mina during the Days of Tashriq (the first three days of `Id Al-Adha). Al-`Abbas bin `Abdul-Muttalib, who was then a polytheist, attended the meeting to be sure of the safety of his nephew, i.e. the Prophet (peace be upon him).

The participants pledged allegiance to the Prophet (peace be upon him), which was known as the “Second Pledge of Al-`Aqabah”. It was also called the “Pledge of Fight,” as it stipulated, among other things, that the people of Yathrib were responsible for defending the Prophet (peace be upon him) when he immigrates to them against any evil. They would sacrifice their souls, women and children for his safety.

After the conclusion of the pledge, other considerations, such as the arrangements of the Prophet’s immigration to Yathrib and the duties of its people towards him, including providing him shelter and living, were agreed upon.

The people of Yathrib showed brilliant examples of generosity, magnanimity and sacrifice in their treatment with their immigrant brother Muslims.
[source: al-islam]

assalamualeikum wbt

a friend send this to our MISG mailing list:

Singapore, February 2003: Juliana Yasin's spacious high-rise apartment has an all-white interior and a stunning view of Singapore's skyline. But what catches my attention is a lone portrait of a nude woman sitting with her legs spread wide in a casually defiant, sexually charged pose. I'm no prude when it comes to art, but the drawing isn't what I'd expected to find in the home of a practicing Muslim woman. Yet Yasin professes to be as engaged with her religion as she is with her career as a performance artist. Her life melds the two; why wouldn't her home?

She prays occasionally, eats halal food, and fasts during Ramadan (or tries to). She wore a head scarf in her youth and has gone on prehajj pilgrimages to Mecca and Medina. Yet, while retaining her identity as a Muslim, she has also been deeply involved in discovering her identity as a woman. Her work reflects that duality. In the past, she has pasted clippings from Playboy magazine onto a fellow performer's nude body. In Yasin's most controversial work, The Veil, she cloaked herself entirely in black and hid her wide-set cheekbones and full lips behind Islamic masks that she had found in Dubai. These masks traditionally served to confirm a woman's chastity and mark her as her husband's property. That Yasin, who stopped wearing her scarf during her university years in Australia, was saying something else was made clear by the sign she held: THE SUBJUGATION OF WOMEN IS A WORN-OUT HABIT IN SAUDI ARABIA.

The Veil played in Singapore, Thailand and Germany, but it was her hometown Muslim community that was most scandalized by its content. The island state's only Malay newspaper criticized her for casting Islam in a bad light, and the Islamic Religious Council complained to the theater group staging the performance—but took no further action. In a letter to the paper's editor, Yasin tried to explain that her goal has been to question the rigid definitions of being a Muslim woman in the modern age. "It's not about religion," she says, "It's about culture. I think it's cruel to make women wear this mask. I'm a Muslim, but the Koran doesn't say you have to veil. That's a man-made law." Islam advocates modesty, and Koranic interpretations state that men are superior to women. It doesn't take long with Yasin to see that these are not tenets to which she ascribes. "I do believe in God," she says, "but there are some laws I can't get a handle on, like on divorce and segregation. I find these things fundamentally unfair." When pushed to explain how she balances the demands of her faith and her craft, Yasin is hard pressed to come up with an answer. In the end she says simply, "I'm an artist. I am a woman, a human being, getting to know myself and my body. What's wrong with that?" She laughs heartily, then adds, "But sometimes I wonder, 's--- what am I doing?'"

In her foyer, she has a photograph of herself with her boyfriend of three years, an Englishman with whom she now lives. Remembering my own Catholic mother's admonitions not to marry outside the church, I asked Yasin how her family receives her mixed-race, cross-faith (he's a Protestant) relationship. "If I'm going to get married, I'm going to have problems [with my dad]," Yasin admits. But she says her father—who supports her career—tolerates the coupling for now (Yasin's late mother, who was Chinese, converted to Islam for her Malay husband's sake). "I want my boyfriend to convert, but he doesn't want to and I don't want to force him," she sighs. After all, had she accepted the labels others tried to put on her, Yasin never would have discovered herself as an artist, a woman and a Muslim. Combining those powerful but oft-diffuse aspects of her persona might just be her most accomplished work.

source: TIME ASIA

--> this is the second time I heard that there's no verse in the Quran which stated about women have to wear veil instead to wear modestly... the first one was from a video about an interview with Dr. Leila Ahmad. She confidently said that women don't have to wear veil/hijab and she supported her words with saying that even Rasulullah's wife don't wear veil during the time. Still, I need more time to do at least analyze those saying or refer to the Quran again and again. 'Allahualam....

assalamualeikum wbt

received TIME and JUMUAH magazines this evening. In TIME, the cover page shows a picture of Army General Tommy Franks, commander of the U.S. forces confronting Iraq. Inside, it presents mostly about war on Iraq and little on President Bush trying to lobby other countries to support him. In JUMUAH, the writers still talking on issue such as Muharram, marriage, how to raise a child and etc. -- aren't we worried? along Library Mall this morning, as I walked to Memorial Library, there were people holding newspaper with headline about uranium misused by Bush -- what's wrong?

have been fasting this few days, alhamdulillah it went well for me, though in all my classes, the person who sat beside me was eating. Today in Soc class, Prof. Hyde talked about Attraction, Love and Intimacy. Lots of theories were presented and the one that caught my attention was the Sternberg's Theory which states that there are 3 components of LOVE: Intimacy (emotional closeness), Passion (motivation/drive component) and Decision/Commitment (cognitive). He drew these 3 components in a triangle shape. If one triangle isn't match his/her partnet, conflict might occurs.

It does apply to our relationship with The Creator, Allah swt kan? Intimacy -- feeling close, Iman, taqwa, Passion -- refering and reciting the Quran, daawah, Decision/Commitment -- amal, istiqamah... it's there, only then people refound it... 'Allahualam...

alhamdulillah I finished building site for MISGHelwa, though it is still 'empty' but glad it's already up... check it out @ MISGHelwa.

assalamualeikum wbt

was watching news at 6 -- WOW! Bush really wants war against Iraq, the government claimed that Iraq needs new leader who would 'change' them, and yesterday in 60 Minutes show, the program shows about life of the King of Qatar, who is considered successful as he made alias with US and ask help from them. He is also proud that his wife is breaking incest taboo by showing her face in public and help the King develop their region.

why WAR? why not round table meeting? why not by voting? does Iraq really really have nuclear weapons? what about other countries? why Iraq? to North Korea, your turn awaiting -- just few steps away! Malaysia? possible attack on Malaysia? any possibility? huhuhu let's hide our oil production before they get the infos in hand. nauzubillah...

about pregnant women:

1. Apabila seseorang perempuan mengandung janin dalam rahimnya, maka beristighfarlah para malaikat untuknya. Allah s.w.t. mencatatkan baginya setiap hari dengan 1,000 kebaikan dan menghapuskan darinya 1,000 kejahatan.

2. Dua rakaat solat dari wanita yang hamil adalah lebih baik daripada 80 rakaat solat wanita yang tidak hamil.

3. Wanita yang hamil akan dapat pahala berpuasa pada siang hari.

4. Wanita yang hamil akan dapat pahala beribadat pada malam hari.

5. Apabila seseorang perempuan mulai sakit hendak bersalin, maka Allah s.w.t. mencatatkan baginya pahala orang yang berjihad pada jalan Allah s.w.t.

6. Wanita yang bersalin akan mendapat pahala 70 tahun solat dan puasa dan setiap kesakitan pada satu uratnya Allah mengurniakan satu pahala haji.

7. Apabila seseorang perempuan melahirkan anak, keluarlah dia daripada dosa-dosa seperti keadaan ibunya melahirkannya.

8. Sekiranya wanita mati dalam masa 40 hari selepas bersalin, dia akan dikira sebagai mati syahid.

9. Wanita yang memberi minum susu kepada anaknya daripada badannya (susu badan) akan dapat satu pahala daripada tiap-tiap titik susu yangdiberikannya.

10. Jika wanita menyusui anaknya sampai cukup tempoh (2 1/2 tahun), makamalaikat-malaikat di langit akan khabarkan berita bahawa syurga wajibbaginya.

11. Jika wanita memberi susu badannya kepada anaknya yang menangis, Allah akan memberi pahala satu tahun solat dan puasa.

12. Wanita yang habiskan malamnya dengan tidur yang tidak selesa kerana menjaga anaknya yang sakit akan mendapat pahala seperti membebaskan 20 orang hamba.

13. Wanita yang tidak cukup tidur pada malam hari kerana menjaga anak yang sakit akan diampunkan oleh Allah akan seluruh dosanya dan bila diahiburkan hati anaknya Allah memberi 12 tahun pahala ibadat.

Education on Islam possible with proper context

by Adnan Mirza, Guest Columnist
March 03, 2003

Over the course of the last few years, I've begun to notice a few rather upsetting trends prevailing in our society. Among them: horrendously mind-numbing television programming, the multiplication of strip malls at exponential rates, the collaboration of some of hip-hop's greatest MC's with their less-than-mediocre "bling-bling" counterparts, and the most recent addition to the list -- the all-together dubious post 9-11 proliferation of "experts" on the Islamic faith who are so willing to explain to the public what this bizarre religion is all about.

Initially, it was my intention to write this piece on what it means for me to be Muslim in America, but the approaches I was considering seemed a bit contrived; my ideas on it ended up being sort of a "Look, I'm just like you, but Muslim" type thing. I could mention how I hate parking enforcement and wish that Fox had never cancelled The Family Guy to run crap like Joe Millionaire. But is this what makes me an American? I used to not think so. I used to think that many of the principles I adhere to as a result of Islam were also ones that I adhered to because I'm an American (you know, commitment to human rights, democracy, peace and freedom).

Quite suddenly, however, this mental link I made in junior high came crashing down not long after the Twin Towers did. At first I noticed them on Fox News, then CNN, ABC, NBC and, yes, even MTV. It descended from the sky like a strange weather pattern, showering Islam "experts" into the studios of every major media outlet.

Drawing upon their vast and infinite knowledge of Islam, each one (e.g. Daniel Pipes, Mitchell Bard, Thomas Friedman, Samuel Huntington, Bernard Lewis, Steven Emerson) seems to feel more than qualified individually to take the faith of over one billion people and simplify it without hesitation into one all-encompassing monolithic entity. Their attempts to argue "What Went Wrong" (Lewis) or "The Clash of Civilizations" (Huntington) are utterly disgusting and repugnant attempts to make unfounded generalizations about the political, social, cultural and linguistic heritages of Muslims spread out all over the world.

The sweeping and antagonistic views presented by these authors and their "expert" colleagues completely fail to take into account the breadth, scope and diversity of the Muslim population as a whole, thus serving as reaffirmation for the existing misinformation regarding Islam.

One needn't look far to spot one of these gems; on my last visit to a local Borders book store, the new arrivals were filled with books like "Militant Islam Reaches America," "American Jihad: The Terrorists Living Among Us," "Jihad: The Trail of Political Islam" and "Jihad: The Rise of Militant Islam in Central Asia" (whew, that's a lot of Jihad).

The most unfortunate consequence of all this is that it makes truly educating oneself on the multifaceted and complex nature of cultures and religions impossible; while at the same time systematically dehumanizing the adherents of an entire religion, effectively reducing their existence to a series of abstract clichés which serve no other purpose than to further the political agenda of our belligerent administration both here and abroad.

The point I'm attempting to make here, I hope in at least a somewhat intelligible manner, is that as educated Americans, it is our duty to not always swallow what we are spoon-fed. I believe that it is possible for everyone to learn about Islam, but not in the way that so many of today's pseudo-experts suggest and not without the proper context.

I'd like to suggest a brief list of some of the many worthwhile books one can begin with: "Struggling to Surrender: Some Impressions of an American Convert to Islam" by Jeffery B. Lang, "Message of the Quran" by Muhammad Asad and, a personal favorite, "The Autobiography of Malcolm X." What I'm suggesting over everything else is that we avoid the trap of thinking and learning in terms of abstract and intangible ideas and begin to approach things humanistically and concretely in order to break up the ideological clouds that so often keep people apart.

Forget about thinking of people in terms of groups, categories and labels, and try to focus on the individual human experiences that shape our beliefs and the way we live our lives. Only then can we reach true understanding. Peace.

--> of course while the author is a Muslim he tried to bring readers to shift from readng books written by non-Muslim author to Muslims author. Yet he has alibi as American Muslim which place him among 'them' . The truth depends on how one's society interpreted what is wrong... 'Allahualam...

assalamualeikum wbt

Is Malaysia Safe?

I read through Malaysian online news and found out that within a day there were around 10 'disaster' took place. Accident, fighting, killing, raping and etc. What went wrong? More tragic, it all involve lives, in one case, 1 was dead and 4 others were severely injured in a fight because of a woman. A child was dragged for 20 meters by the 2nd car which hit him while he was crossing the road. A thieft asked the woman he robbed to do oral sex to him. huh!?

romanticism:
we learn to much about our ancestor's success until we forgot that they also had hard time. How did they survived? Did we learn from them? NO. We overlooked at all those important values. Why won't we? who's fault is it? ourselves? them? environment? THINK

yesterday's Usrah Gabungan ran smoothly though only few appeared at first, but later lots of people came. Unfortunately people who came late missed the previous 3 games. Come on la Malaysians, cannot be punctual eh? Discover Malaysia can, why Usrah gabungan can't? what la you!!!!!

I ruined my p2 program assignment. Dunno how to plot the positions :-( (Thanks Sajeed and Malik for the help)
It is true, to become a success tribe all elements must be completed; Iman, Knowledge, Unity, Good Character and all. If Muslims wouldn't want to help each other, who will? I know there are lots of hadith of helping among Muslims... and to love each other just like loving urself. That is wonderful and if fully practice, could bring happiness to all people in the world insyaAllah

oh oh Friday nite, somebody called me and asked advice on marriage. Big thing huh!? I don't quiet understand why the guys can't satisfy with a woman? Hopefully the person who called me have solve the problem 'Allahualam...

Called home just now, but nobody was home except my cute sister Zulaikha who just came back from Quran recitation class. "Good Luck for exam sayang..." She is 13, chubby and cute :-)

assalamualeikum wbt

just finished preparing stuff for usrah gathering tomorrow, alhamdulillah... also the bazaar thingy was done too. I spend all night finishing it, alhamdulillah...

what would you do when you missed somebody? hehe...

Malaysian's Prime Minister is now on his vacation giving his Deputy Prime Minister opportunities to explore his future role as the new PM. Yeah, it's time for Dr. Mahathir to retired and give his position to someone else although he had and still helping in development in Malaysia. It is hard to become a leader ... May Allah bless us all ameen...
(not supporting any political party)

the Malaysian couple who fought last week already made peace! people people...

"Wahai isteri-isteri Nabi, kamu semua bukanlah seperti mana-mana perempuan yang lain kalau kamu tetap bertakwa. Oleh itu janganlah kamu berkata-kata dengan lembut manja (semasa bercakap dengan lelaki asing) kerana yang demikian boleh menimbulkan keinginan orang yang ada penyakit dalam hatinya (menaruh tujuan buruk kepada kamu) dan sebaliknya berkatalah dengan kata-kata yang baik (sesuai dan sopan)." Al Ahzaab:32

high level of testosteron in men's body make them easily sexually aroused even with hearing to women's voices
it is testosteron not estrgen or pregesteron that responds to women sexual behavior though it is in small amount (the woman will show masculine character if testosterone level is high in he body -- tomboy)

assalamualeikum wbt

went to dr Muneer Fareed lecture last nite -- "Is There an American Muslim Culture?" NO
he went through histories of turk and Hijaz people in Mecca and giving some examples of how Islam is and will always be part of a culture -- yes it is the dominant of onself but will never be in a larger community.

He has different ideology -- Islam is not teh way of life rather what one express out of oneself -- one can change langauge but not their religion or vice versa ... 'Allahualam...

I was on my way back from work, and then met Sajeed and he was the one who told me about the lecture -- Thank you dude! hehe... I was on campus since 9 am and haven't had anything since then. But the lecture was nice and I was been filled.

bro. Obay wrote, dear Sr. the best of Bariah, in his email -- never thought of that
getting ready to go to school

assalamualeikum wbt

working in soc sci ref lib with Mega. Life went pretty well for me thus few days with the exception of the exams last 2 days. Anyway, still in progress in preparing questions and puzzles for Usrah Gabungan this Saturday at MU. Hopefully this event will run smoothly...

so, few questions that need answers:

(1) what is MalcomX name when he turned to Islam?
(2) what are the pillars of Islam?
(3) Who is the current president of MSA at UW-Madison?

quiet easy huh!? that's the point of the usrah gathering this time, with theme "tak kenal maka tak cinta" I would like to help my friends and myself recall again some of the most important things and seerah of the sahabah. Learning from Seerah will 'upgrade' our IMAN. How? by taking the good examples and learning how to become a close to 'perfect' Muslim.

Also most of the questions required us to refer to the Tafseer in which many students have forgotton to do so these days... (not to mention myself)... whatever you want to do, or if you have any doubts on anything, just return back to the Al Quran and the Sunnah (deeds of the prophet)

I don't have any intention to organize the Usrah Gabungan before as I am unofficially retired from my position. Then I realized, why can't I just contribute to my friends without having the position title after me. I could do this as myself, as a friend, right? oh well, to bro. Hakim, I would like to thank you for reminding me and at the same time to ask you to reconsidered your words before saying it to other people. Not that it's hurt, but sometime the words just flew out of your mouth and sometime it reached to the wrong person.. 'Allahualam...

"Only those are Believers, who believe in Allah and His Messenger: when they are with him on a matter requiring collective action, they do not depart until they have asked for his leave: those who ask for thy leave are those who believe in Allah and His Messenger; so when they ask for thy leave, for some business of theirs, give leave to those of them whom thou wilt, and ask Allah for their forgiveness: for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful" An - Nur : 62

assalamualeikum wbt

The Muslim Students Association (MSA) is helding the Islam Awareness Week which started last Monday all through this Friday (around campus) . There are series of lectures around campus, booths and open house at the Islamic Center being organized to make the program succeed. Also, in the Daily Cardinal there are articles which written by UW Muslim students. Attending the open house is a must! you wouldn't want to miss such opportunity to learn about ISLAM closer.

Muhammed spoke to all aspects of life
By Jennifer Leigh Curti

Islam has received much attention these days. After languishing on the backburner as a religion of foreigners from sandy deserts far away, today one can hardly turn on the TV without a special documentary or a news segment on some aspect of Islam. Six million Americans claim Islam as their faith, joining their 1.2 billion brothers and sisters worldwide.

At the center of this faith is the belief in one God. Muslims believe that God has sent messengers to Earth throughout time, bearing the message of Islamic monotheism. The final Prophet of Islam was Muhammed. Although the Prophet lived and died in 7th century Arabia, his influence did not expire with him. Even today, his words and deeds inspire Muslims globally to strive for a better world.

The Prophet Muhammed was not simply a spiritual leader of a community. His influence was felt in every aspect of the Muslim community. If people had a question about government, they would refer it to the Prophet. If people were wondering the best way to treat their spouse, they would ask the Prophet Muhammed. From the Prophet's central role in the early Muslim community, modern day Muslims can find guidance for spiritual, intellectual and socio-political issues in their lives even today. Because of his leadership and wisdom, Muslims today have a vast resource on how to deal with any situation that may arise.

The following examples from the words and deeds of the Prophet Muhammed give a greater sense of who this man is. Advice on politics, religion and family are interspersed with gems of kindness and compassion that speak to the true character of the Prophet.

"No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself."

And: "Worship the Merciful [Allah], feed the hungry and spread peace. You shall then enter Paradise in peace."

The themes of compassion, equality and peace are strong in the actions of the Prophet. It is no wonder that one of the many names of Muhammed is Nabi ar-Rahma, or the Prophet of Mercy.

The words of the Prophet and his message from God have quashed the greed of a pop-star (Cat Stevens), soothed the arrogance of a sports legend (Muhammed Ali) and inspired a great civil rights activist (Malcolm X). Even 1,400 years later, the Prophet Muhammed's message remains relevant, and if anything, more crucial towards bringing a sense of peace and equality to the world.

"Do not consider any act of kindness insignificant, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face."

If a smile is considered an act of charity, shouldn't we all be a little more charitable towards our fellow human beings?

above is an example of articles written in the newspaper. Enjoy reading!

assalamualeikum wbt

esok ade exam cs354 "moga dipermudahkan" ameen



so so so beautiful, masyaAllah... Mursyid and Murshida their names -- they live above me in Jerantut. My mom takes care of them during the day as their mother sewing. I took care of them too! so nice... mursyid likes to wath tv, mursyida always want someone to hold her... missed both of them!

"kaklong cium due-due ni karang!" hehehe...

assalamualeikum wbt

wanna starts today with this beautiful song by The Zikr

ISTERI SHOLEHAH

Isteri cerdik yang solehah
Penyejuk mata penawar hati penenteram fikiran
Di rumah ia isteri di jalanan kawan
Di waktu kita buntu
Dia penunjuk jalan

Pandangan kita diperteguhkan
Menjadikan kita tetap pendirian
Ilmu yang diberi dapat disimpan
Kita lupa dia mengingatkan

Nasihat kita dijadikan pakaian
Silap kita dia betulkan
Penghibur diwaktu kesunyian
Terasa ramai bila bersamanya

Dia umpama tongkat sibuta
Bila tiada satu kehilangan
Dia ibarat simpanan ilmu
Semoga kekal untuk diwariskan

assalamualeikum wbt

dah nak masuk tahun baru 1424 Hijrah -- alhamdulillah, Syukur to Allah atas kurniaanNya membenarkan untuk ana meneruskan tanggungjawab sebagai hambaNya dimuka bumi ini.. ameen

received an email from one of the msa member, forwarding his "ex-lover' breaking up email -- since when msa email list become wayang melayu? come on la lan, telur sebijik takkan nak riuh sekampung! how old are you again? 24 or 14?

*updated some pics from latest event*

assalamualeikum wbt

Discover Malaysia just finished! it went well at first, by the time we finished with all the performance and etc., the fire alarm turned on. Suprisingly these Malaysians are still happily on the stage shouting and taking pictures -- after a while then somebody took the alarm seriously... not that I hate my own people, but that isn't the kind of attitude that we wanted to show to them on DM. Overall is great, everybody did a very good job! well done to everybody! as for post mortem purposes, I would say that the Chinese presentation was the best. They explained everything in details, step by step whereas the Malay culture presentation only consist of wedding ceremony and dance performance. Again, it was a very good job! At the end, they had "Yam Sei" ceremony which I don't know what it was. They give me a glass of water, and ask me to hold it up while they shouted "Yammm" and "Seiiiiii" ... I didn't! well, who was going to do things without knowing why you should do it? kan?

I helped took care of the exhibiton, answering questions from guests. Sajeed came with friend. So shy that he didn't even talk to me until after all the performance were done. But then, he asked questions that he knows the answer was... naughty boy huh! :-P oh oh my 'jemput-jemput' were finished, alhamdulillah... everybody was so helpful... kesian kat Gavin and Cha In, they seemed really really busy... Gavin looks thin... Cha In looks like he wanna cry... and all... sorry for you dear... hope both of you will recover soon.. take care bebeh!

now I need to get back to my life; my studies, my struggle and etc. "May Allah give me guidance through my journey in this real world" ameen....

Who does not have problems?

Problems are a part of life. If it were not for distance and separation, people would never know the joy of meeting and reunion. If it were not for poverty, people would not know wealth. And if it were not for sorrow, people would not know joy.

In this manner, Allah has permitted the world to be a place of passage, where pleasure is accompanied by pain and laughter by tears, a world where the degree and severity of suffering is commensurate to the degree of happiness a person feels when that suffering goes away.

Every home has its problems, as does every office, corporation, and country. Every soul is afflicted with its own inner problems. When a person knows that his own self does not comply with what he wants from it and does not fulfill his expectations, and that it often shames him and disappoints him unbearably, then what can he possibly expect from others?

What can he hope to expect from the difficulties that arise from social interactions, whether they occur within a family setting, or among neighbors, or between colleagues and business partners, or with those who he meets on the road?

In spite of all this, the goodness, companionship, and human welfare that social interactions bring about can never be attained by a person who lives in isolation. The evils brought about by seclusion are far greater than the discomfort that comes from dealing with others.

How many people have tried to solve their problems by cutting off their dealings with others and going into seclusion? They seek to treat their ailments with something that is a sickness itself. They wind up longing to return to the very circumstances that they had so much detested before.

A woman feels that she can not stand to live with her husband's behavior any more and sees divorce as the only solution. Then when she gets what she wants, she feels like she is going to die of loneliness and starts to think of a way to undo what she had done.

An employee feels he can not bear his job any longer so he quits his job. After a while, though, he starts looking for people to intercede on his behalf as he repeatedly tries to get his job back.

This is why it is not sensible to hastily resort to severing ties, thinking that this is going to get to the root of the problem and make it just go away. This course of action can possibly cause much more suffering than before.

Specialists in problem management have set down the following practical steps for dealing with one's problems. These steps can be summarized as follows:

1. Perceiving and recognizing the problem.
2. Defining the problem correctly.
3. Research, examination, and fact finding, with a focus on pinpointing causes.
4. Setting down alternatives and options, then evaluating them and weighing their pros and cons.
5. Determining the option that will provide the best solution to the problem.

These steps can only be put into practice by a person who can approach his problems with a calm, level head. Reactions that are spontaneous and overemotional only serve to cloud a person's judgment, making it seem that the only solution is to completely divorce oneself from the source of the problem and with everything that in any way relates to it.

The problem could actually come from the deep within a person's character or personal history and cannot be simply shrugged off. It could also come from unavoidable circumstances outside of that person's control.

Often we besiege ourselves with problems and difficulties. This is not to say that those problems are not real. They definitely are. But we often have many good ways of getting around them. We do not have to dwell on them. We need to seek the help of Allah and cling hard to the firm handhold that He provides, repeating the words: "You alone we worship and You alone we beseech for help."

One of the supplications that the Prophets of old used to make goes as follows: "O Allah! Yours is the praise. You are the one whose help we seek. You are the one on whom we rely. Yours is the aid that we seek. There is no might and no strength except with Allah, the High and Mighty."

We can look at our problems as they really are and strive to get rid of them or at least minimize them, without letting them suffocate us or hold us back. Our problems must not make us stop working and living productive lives. We can also defer some problems that we cannot solve at the present time and wait for Allah, in whose hands rest all affairs, to relieve us of them

It is related from Ibn Mas`ûd that Allah's Messenger said: "The best form of worship is to wait for relief." [Sunan al-Tirmidhî (3571), al-Bazzâr (Majma` al-Zawâ'id 10/147), and al-Bayhaqî in Shu`ab al-Imân (7/204)] This narration, though, is weak.

At the same time, there can be no doubt that expecting relief from Allah is a form of worship, since it is part of being patient. This brings to our attention an important yet often overlooked fact - that many problems can be solved, but not by jumping ahead of things. They must be approached one step at a time. Haste can lead to making our problems more deeply entrenched than they were before. Sometimes the best solution is to postpone action and be patient until the right opportunity comes along for a solution to be sought.

Patience, then, is necessary in all cases. Therefore, we have been encouraged - actually commanded - to be patient. The word patience, in all of its morphological forms, comes in the Qur'ân about 103 times. Without patience to beautify our deeds, our efforts come to nothing. This is what `Umar meant when he said: "We found the best of our lives in patience." [Al-Bukhârî (6104)]

We can solve some problems with Allah's help, and we can minimize others. As for those problems for which we cannot find a solution, we can do our best to accommodate them. If a person were to take a small square, no bigger than the palm of his hand, and place it right in front of his eye, that small square would completely block his vision. The same thing can be said of problems when we make them larger than they actually are and give over to them a good share of our lives, thoughts, and feelings so they become a serious impediment to our moving forward and living productively. The classical Arabian poet Mutanabbih writes:

The eye of a small person makes small things look large
And the eye of a great person makes great calamities look small.

And

When a man grows accustomed to dwelling in the fear of death
Its arrival becomes the easiest possible event.

Without the least doubt, a person is going to face difficulties from his family, sometimes because they are worried about him, and sometimes because they are angry with him for violating their norms and customs, and sometimes because they love him, as love can bring about its own stresses.

He is going to face difficulties from society, from his school or university, from his job, and from the people he chooses to interact with.

Moreover, he is going to have to deal with difficulties emanating from within himself. Within him will be tendencies pulling him to do good and others pulling him to do evil. It will be as if his own inner condition is saying to him: "Why is it that I call you to salvation, yet you call me to the Fire?"

At the same time, this person, by way of supplication, devotion in prayer, and humility, will find Allah's help and support, and Allah will bless him the strength of will that he needs. He will also find help and support from his believing brethren who follow the same path.

Even when a problem springs from the inner depths of our being, we still must not let it bring us down. We must start afresh, take an assessment of our injuries, and bring our scattered wishes together. Then we must keep our eyes on the future instead of always looking back.

Is not Allah the one who is Oft Forgiving and accepts our repentance? Are not we human beings all prone to error? Our hearts can be cleansed with the knowledge that Allah is forgiving and by keeping hope before us. We must leave our vanities and base passions aside so they will not kill our souls. A believer takes refuge in his Lord and keeps the company of people who will help him overcome the obstacles along the way and help him to strengthen his resolve and his commitment. If he pulls himself up every time he stumbles, he will surely arrive.